Can it be five years already? Is it only five years? I’m trying to process the death of my younger brother last month and the anniversary of my son’s death is here. Too much death means I’ve shared so much life. That’s how I’m choosing to look at it this time around.
I look through photos and my mind tries to latch on to my favorite or how I remember Clayton. Do I remember him at two, a grubby little boy of already legendary impishness and imagination? 
Do I remember him at five, already well into his Star Wars obsession?
Do I remember him with his buddies in grade school? 
Or as the latest style setter?
Is my best memory of him as teenager? Crazy, silly, exasperating as all get out?
Do his friends remember him as the funniest guy around? Possibly the most dedicated and goofy class 9th grade president and 10th grade vice-president they could ever hope for?
Do I remember him dancing at his sister’s wedding?
Do I remember him with his father without a tearful smile for both of them?
Or times with his cousins and sisters?
Were his college years his best?
Or the times with his sisters?
Do I remember his battle with cancer? His courage and his ability to bring us all through it with his incredible humor?
Do I remember the friends who were there through all those difficult years?
Do I remember most when he told me he was smitten?
Or their magical wedding?
And their joy at becoming parents?
Was he the best uncle ever?
Or the best son, brother, friend, husband, father? He was all that and a kind, generous, loving, cantankerous, hilarious man to boot. Ultimately, he was uniquely Clayton.
It’s been a journey through his life today. Five years later…I miss him more, I appreciate him more, I love him even more.
Confetti Thoughts 
Beautiful xx
Thank you!
Tears and smiles. Thanks again for sharing this. Love to you Karen!
Thanks, Mary Beth! Love to you, too!
Thanks for writing, Karen. Hugs.
Thank you!
I admire your courage in writing this and hope it helps you in some way Tucky
Thanks, Tucky!
Just looking through your picture gallery brought tears to my eyes. I guess this is life on planet Earth, but still it’s so sad to see a life some to its prime, then cut short. May you continue to find peace and strength through all this.
You’re so right: sorrow means you’ve shared so much with these people. Some others have all the potential for close bonding, but we see them wasting it through pure selfishness, to the point where there’s no affection left between parent and child.
Thank you, Christine. Life is complicated, but I appreciate all the joy we can wring out of it!