Archives for category: Memories

We graduated from high school and started college 51 years ago.  We graduated in the 60s and now we’re in our 60s.  When we get together, we begin finding out what’s going on with our kids, our grandkids, ourselves, passing photos, usually on our phones these days.  That’s the pretty standard ice-breaker, although we really don’t need one.  Yesterday was typical as I went to brunch with five women I knew from high school because one of them was in town for the holiday and this  group showed up when an email was sent to the class.

It’s said that men talk about things or ideas and women talk about people.  Pretty true, really, although I think it’s more about the fact that women get right down to the personal and men may never do that.  At our age, women are nicely outspoken, at least the women I know and want to be with.  By now, we’ve all been through things we never envisioned and our views on what’s right and wrong have been shaped by what we’ve lived as much as by what we were taught.

Our conversation yesterday veered into a story of one of our classmates whose life would make a terrific novel.  Briefly, she was in a major car wreck in high school, suffered brain and other physical injuries, was in love with a boy who stayed by her side even when her parents wanted him gone, secretly married him, was sent to a Catholic school far away when her parents found out and annulled the marriage, he kept visiting her, they both married others but always loved each other.  Cutting through to the end, she still loved him and they were about to get back together just a few years ago and he died.  She made it to the funeral on her walker and was greeted warmly by his second wife.  We don’t know if she’s in assisted living now or not.

That story led us to a discussion of our lives in the early sixties.  Of course, there were some more adventurous than we were, but this was a table of what were then considered “nice” girls.  The girl in the story snuck off to be married because you didn’t have sex before you were married.  We talked of another girl in our class, a close friend of mine, who committed suicide at 15 when she found out she was pregnant.  Besides the sadness of the story, there were those who didn’t know she was pregnant until our brunch.  I didn’t find out until over 45 years later.  We discussed the fact that children, even teenagers, weren’t supposed to hear about “adult” things.  I have a feeling that my parents, and the other parents, knew what happened and didn’t tell us.  Everyone agreed.

The sixties were a time of experimentation later on, but, for those of who who were one of the last graduating classes in an age of somewhat innocence, it was a time when you jumped from the shelter of your home into the reality of the world without much in the way of preparedness.  We had strict curfews in college and had to check out in writing to let the adults know where you would be.  One of my friends even had chaperones at the girls’ college she attended.  When I was in school, boys could live off campus from the moment they arrived, but girls couldn’t live off campus until they were 23, unless they were married.  No wonder people married early!  Between the draft exemption for married men and the restrictions on the girls, many chose to jump into marriage and the “freedom” it offered.  I will note that, while some of those marriages ended in divorce, many are still intact, proving that marriage is a tricky business with no guarantees.  Since most women jumped from being supported by their daddies to marriage, many women, even with college degrees, were thrown into the real world only after divorce or death forced them to cope.  No wonder the Women’s Movement was such a huge part of our lives back in the day.

The women I know, respect and love have mellowed and adapted, not because we don’t believe in the lessons we were taught, but because the realities of life have been laid in our laps.  We don’t give up on our kids and our grandkids when they don’t do things the way we did or the way we wanted them to, we face each new adversity and challenge with strengths we didn’t know we had, and we lean on each other to understand.  No matter how close you are to your children, no matter how many older and younger friends and relatives you have, there is nothing like your peers, those who started with you and have traveled the same decades.  We understand things about each other that others don’t quite get because we’ve been there together, have the same context for facing the world.

The other wonderful thing about friends is that you don’t always have to be together in person because you can pick up right where you left off when the conversation is opened.

The best part is discovering how friends have grown and changed through the years and being able to laugh at it all together.  We’re grateful for every memory, every lesson learned, and every day we have left.  Personally, I love the twinkle in the eyes of my friends as we oh so quickly approach our seventies.  Watch out world – we’re still comin’ at you!photo

 

Fifty-one years ago, I set foot on the campus of Oklahoma State University as a 17 year old Freshman, a very fresh Freshman.  At least I had friends who came with me, but it was a shock to say the least.  I hadn’t really been away from home that much and I had come from a big class in a big school in a big city, but this was a really big school in a college town.  My new roommate was from a very small town in Oklahoma with a graduating class of 12.  I had a lot to learn.

Last week, I was once again on campus the first week of classes.  I’d been up the week before, amused and remembering what it was all like as I watched two students carry a couch down the street.  I walked across campus to pick up my staff parking permit right between classes, so I felt like I belonged in the throng.  It was hot so the dress was shorts and t-shirts, a far cry from the skirts I had to wear.  While I walked, I read the messages on the t-shirts, mostly OSU themes or shirts promoting rock bands or bars.  They carried their books in backpacks while we just carried ours on our hips in the olden days.

I remember how much we walked back then.  I wouldn’t try a bike on campus since you have to weave between so many students.  The parking is tight, so you walk.  It’s amazing that students ever put on weight with all the walking.  I remember the wind that whips across the campus, that wind that sweeps across the plains in the song, “Oklahoma.”  I walked in sun, rain, and snow when I was a student.  I guess I’ll be doing that again.

In front of the beautiful library, I looked up to the tower.  I haven’t had the desire to go inside, afraid it will dim my memories of so many hours with the card catalogues and hunting through the stacks or shelves for a certain source material for a research paper.  Do they even have books and periodicals now?  Is it just rows of computers?  I’ll get in there eventually.  IMG_5057

The sidewalk had chalk messages reminding students of an upcoming event.  The new patio area in front of the Student Union, the top Student Union in the country, had tents and tables for various groups to recruit members, or have a blood drive, or sell posters, and there was a row of tables with vegetables, baked goods, jewelry, and odd items.  Everybody is figuring out where they belong or who they belong with.  IMG_5058

There are twice as many buildings – or maybe more than that – than when I was there.  The old familiar standbys are matched with new structures that parallel the older ones in style, giving the campus such a uniform look, one of the nicest things about that campus.  That’s the way it should be, with the historic buildings still standing and still used mixed with the new.  Signs of traditions and history mixed with progress and growth.

The campus bookstore doesn’t really have many books.  About 75% of it is clothing or decorative items.  There’s an Apple store with all the latest in computers, phones, tablets, printers and accessories.  There are school supplies back in the back with the few books.  They even had 3-D printers for sale.  Wow!  A whole new world out there from my Freshman year when the only phone was on the wall in the hall or the pay phone booths downstairs.  I had a manual typewriter (not electric), a lamp, a record player, a popcorn popper and a hair dryer.  That was it for my special equipment.   No refrigerators or microwaves.  All snacks were from the machines in the basement and meals were in the cafeteria, except on Sundays when we went out or ordered sandwiches or pizza.  We had discovered pizza by then.

Walking back, I saw a familiar box with the student newspaper.  Back then, it was the O’Collegian, but we called it the O’Colly and now that is the official name.  I pulled one out, amazed that with a digital version they still print the paper one.  It was nice to have one in my hand, just for old times sake. IMG_5060It was a good start back to school.  Even though I’m there to advise students, I know I’m going to learn more from them.  It’s comforting to see how much stays the same, even with all the changes.  It’s nice to come back to a place that holds so many memories.  Should be a good year!

Last year, I traveled to Uniontown, Kentucky, where my father and grandfather were born, curious to see the place I had read about in a book, “The Sun Shines Bright,” written by my great-aunt Sue Hamilton Jewell about her life growing up there.  I also had photos from an album I collected when my grandparents died that showed the family when my grandfather was a child, a young man, and a father.  I wrote a blog about the trip, “My River Kinfolk,” that covered the visit.

That simple blog opened up new information I hadn’t expected.  I heard from several people who lived in the area, including someone who is distantly related, an author of a book about coal mining in the area, a young woman who lives in Uniontown, a man whose mother purchased the house my family lived in after they had all gone, and a woman who actually lived in the house at one time.  I hadn’t expected that kind of response at all.  All of that information centered around the lives of my grandfather’s family.

Over the next months, I opened a file box that was sitting on a shelf and found another recounting of life in Uniontown from my great-aunt on my grandmother’s side.  I was getting more and more of a picture of life on the river in that town.  I read about the great Ohio River floods, which devastated the towns along its banks, especially in 1884 and 1937.  I started getting more interested in the history of the area. Through another book of the history of the Hamilton family, I traced my grandfather’s family back to Scotland, which they left for Maryland due to religious persecution.  The box from my grandmother’s side showed that her family, the Spaldings, left England and landed in Maryland also.

Though they didn’t know each other, the Hamiltons and the Spaldings both migrated to eastern Kentucky in 1792, the year it became a state and opened up as the country expanded west.  My ties to Kentucky were deepening.  And branches of both families ended up in Uniontown, a growing community on the banks of the Ohio with commerce from the river traffic, coal mining, and agriculture.  There was even the ubiquitous Kentucky distillery.  From what I can tell, my great-great-grandfather on my grandfather’s side was a doctor who ended up in Uniontown.  My great-great-grandfather on my grandmother’s side was probably a farmer.  They were both part of the growth of the area.

My grandfather was born in 1885 and had an idyllic childhood, raised in a large, loving family.  His father was a grain dealer with an office at the river for shipping.  He was also an insurance salesman for Aetna, so respected that they made him an honorary member of the Aetna family rather than let him retire.  He owned a farm in the area, also, which is probably where he was born.  He and my great-grandmother were the first couple married in the Episcopal Church in Uniontown and he served as Senior Warden for many years.  He was also a charter member of the Masonic Lodge in nearby Morgansfield.  They were pillars of the community according to his obituary.Scan 44My grandmother’s childhood was not quite so charming.  One of eight children, her father was a blacksmith and he drank.  He was also a farmer, tobacco mostly, and my grandmother picked worms off the tobacco along with her brothers and sisters.  Their mother died young and the children took care of each other and all of them worked.  Most of them got out as soon as they could.  My grandmother’s older sister opened a millinery shop in town and married into another more prosperous family.

While my grandmother’s family didn’t have the luxury of a camera or a photographer, I have a picture of some of the tobacco farmers, ready to meet the revenuers coming onto their land.  One of them could easily be my great-grandfather.Scan 265My grandparents married and had their first three children in Uniontown before leaving for other opportunities.  I have these photos of my grandmother with my father (with curls), his brother and sister as babies, sitting on the lawn of the Hamilton house.  I note here that my grandfather was Episcopal and my grandmother was Catholic, not such an easy marriage in those days.  They were married for 55 years.  The story my grandmother told my mother was that they took a trip when they first got married, leaving on a train.  My grandfather gave his new bride a fur muff.  She was so poor that she didn’t even have underwear and now she had a fur muff.  That’s how I heard it, probably close to the truth.Scan 93And this photo is of my great-grandparents with their grandchildren, my father on the right.  I’m lucky to have many more precious photos.Mom & Dad Hamilton with J. C., Ed & SaraThe town was changing as the river changed and the riverboats became more obsolete.  I love this old picture of one of the riverboats that stopped in Uniontown, delighting my grandfather in his childhood.ajaxhelperAnd I realized that this photo of my father and his brother was with a sailor on one of the riverboats.  Somebody drew in the head that was cut out of the picture, making it even cuter.  Daddy was born in 1912, so this must have been around 1915 or so.Scan 248And here’s one of the ferry at Uniontown, one my father probably rode to cross the Ohio.Scan 266As I found myself with even more information, I decided to return to Uniontown, especially since I now had some people to talk to while I was there.  My new friend, Treva Robards, spent a delightful afternoon driving around the area with me, filling my head with stories of her own childhood in Uniontown and pointing out the locations of long gone buildings along with local gossip.  I was beginning to get a bigger picture of this area and how it shaped my family.

Treva’s interest in my family grew from living in the old Hamilton house when she was younger.  The house that held our large family was flooded badly in 1937 and my great-grandmother died soon after from pneumonia contracted because she refused to leave.  It was purchased years later and became home to two or more families at a time.  Treva told me that the house was haunted and she could hear the cries of babies and the clanking of chains every night.  We think the cries could be from the three babies who died as infants or toddlers, my grandfather’s siblings.  She thinks the chains could be from slaves who were kept in the attic long before my family purchased the house.  Those are our theories anyway.  I have no doubt she heard them when she lived there.IMG_3731

She also told me that she was fascinated by a room that was kept locked upstairs.  She would look through the keyhole and see the antique dolls and dress forms with wonderful clothes and trunks piled around.  I know these are the things that my great-aunt wrote about in her book that delighted her as a child.  The roof fell in, the house was deserted, looters came.  Who knows why none of the family came to retrieve those items, some priceless treasures.  The family had scattered by then.  It gave me an answer to what came next in that wonderful home.

This trip I visited both cemeteries, the Uniontown cemetery where I went last year, and the Catholic cemetery, looking for my grandmother’s family.  The Catholic cemetery had lots of Spaldings, but none that matched the names I knew.   Many of the headstones were worn bare.  I also think my great-grandmother may have been buried in the potter’s field, so I paid my tributes there in the clear area by a pond at the back of the cemetery.DSC_0288The Hamilton sites were as I left them, although the cemetery was surrounded by corn last year and soybeans this year.DSC_0299There has been so much new information for me to think about this year, so much more to learn about life on the river and how my family was shaped through the centuries.  My greatest regret is that I didn’t ask my grandparents and parents to tell me stories of both sides of my family, because now I want to know and find myself searching for more clues.

We don’t tell our stories enough because we don’t realize the importance sometimes.  I think my childhood was pretty ordinary until I look back and place it in the times.  Maybe this is why so many authors tell their stories when they are older.  When we’re young, we’re busy looking to the future.  When there is less future time left, we turn back to put the past in perspective.

This is so much to take in and I share these stories for my children and grandchildren, my siblings, nephews, cousins, and all those to come.  More Uniontown stories to come…

My DVR was crashing, so I called the cable company.  The first thing they did was thank me for being a customer for 39 years!  That was so shocking that I had to stop for a minute.  We’ve had cable for 39 years?!  Wow!

When I got the new DVR box, I brought it home and got it hooked up all by myself, but ran into a problem programming the remote.  It took a phone call with a lovely customer service rep and a service call from a cute young technician, who fixed it in about 10 seconds.  In the meantime, HORRORS, I had to get up and go over the television and physically adjust the sound.  Talk about a flashback!

My family got our first television when I was in grade school, way back in the early 1950s.  We had rabbit ears and there were only about three channels and whoever was sitting closest to it had to reach over and change the channels, adjust the volume, adjust the picture (which was often full of lines with a fuzzy picture) or the antenna.  Programming started with the 6:00 news and ended with the 10:00 news, with a test pattern on the screen in between.  We often sat watching the test pattern, waiting for the shows to come on.1950s-Indian-head-TV-test-pattern-1024x790This technology was actually pretty slow compared to today’s standard of new technology every few months.   The only change in our house was a newer antenna and a larger screen, soon in a fancy console, and finally color television.  I was about to turn 30 years old, married with four children, before cable came – 39 years ago, like the cable rep said.  The biggest things about this were the fact that we didn’t have to have an antenna and we now had up to 36 channels with a cable box with a long cord.  My kids probably hit each other over the head with that box arguing over who had control of it.  I remember having a key to lock off HBO with its possibility of shocking programming.jDOac-1You still had to get up and change the volume and turn the television off and on by hand.  The next great step was a tv with its own remote to do those menial tasks for us.  Now we just had to fight over who got the remote.

Look at us now.  Hundreds of channels and still nothing to watch, fancy remotes that you need a manual to learn to use, and the ease of never leaving your chair to control your program.  Actually, I have three remotes – one for my television/cable, one for Apple TV, and one for my combo VCR-DVD player.  I have to get up and cross the room to change something so each of those will work.  Poor me.

I have no doubt that everything will be very different in a matter of minutes, so I’m going to make sure I can at least operate the remotes I have.  Just shoot me if this is the worst problem I ever have…image

I hope I never outgrow the joy of discovering new things, new people, new experiences.  I find myself, in my, hmmm, late 60s (GADS!) rediscovering things I remember from past years.  I’m sure my perspective is different now that I’ve got more years behind me than before me and I’m not distracted by taking care of kids or working all the time.  I’m more relaxed and more open to all there is out there.

Last weekend, I took my youngest grandchild, not quite 5, on a short road trip to the Oklahoma City Zoo and then on to the Sam Noble Museum of Natural History on the campus of the University of Oklahoma in Norman.  I’ve taken my other grandchildren, but it’s been a few years, so it was refreshing for me to revisit these places again.  Watching a child, you have to wonder what goes on in their heads…

Seeing a wild bird, a lorakeet here, up close, and feeding it…DSC_0068 DSC_0071feeling it sit on your arm…DSC_0076watching a rhino baby nurse…DSC_0087or looking into the eyes of an orangutan…DSC_0112Is the concept of dinosaurs more real when you stand next to one?DSC_0150And doesn’t a strawberry milkshake help the brain process all the new experiences?DSC_0166I’m always looking for new places to go and old ones to revisit.  And then I come home and wonder at all I’ve seen in my life.  Lovely.

When I was a girl, we played jacks all the time.  It was great because you could play it alone or with friends and we were all good at it and we must have played for hours at a time.  If you have forgotten or don’t know what the game of jacks is, here’s a picture…a999c612de30bea465280ea595439046I hadn’t thought about jacks in years and, when I did, I texted my daughters to make sure I had taught them how to play.  One responded that she remembered it, but didn’t play much.  I was feeling like a failure as a mother at that point, but vowed to teach my granddaughters, even though one is probably too old to get into it at this point.

Finding a set took a little while since we don’t have dime stores around any more.  The sets I remembered as a child had the red rubber ball seen in the photo, but we preferred a golf ball, which we always had around the house.  I finally found a set in town, but it only had eight jacks and I remembered more and had a tiny, hard rubber ball.  We tended to play with double sets as we got better and were looking for more challenges.  The set had good sturdy jacks, not the light ones they started making way back.  You have to start with good jacks – I remember that.  And, I had a golf ball I could use.

We played several games…regular jacks, pigs in the pen (which I loved), cherries in the basket, round the world, and whatever game kids could invent.

Last night, I took my eight jacks and a golf ball and sat down on my sidewalk to see if I could still play.  It took a few times for my memory to kick in, but it was all coming back.  I had to adjust for the fact my fingernails are longer and were scratching the pavement, but somehow I figured out how to stop that.  Actually, the hardest thing…don’t laugh…was that the ball tended to bounce away and this old lady doesn’t get up as fast as she used to.  I don’t remember that being part of the game.  When you’re little, your back doesn’t hurt and you bounce up and down with ease.  Sigh.

Anyway, it was coming back to me more quickly than I thought.  I need to practice, but I can still do it.

When I was trying to find jacks, which you can get online, I saw an article on how good the game is, how it teaches children dexterity.  I am sure that my parents never read an article on the benefits of the game and that we wouldn’t have thought much about it.  For gosh sakes, of course it was good for us.  It’s fun!  photo

 

 

Over the Fourth of July, I was watching some of my grandchildren, ages 4 to 15,interact with each other and other kids around.  I have a friend who believes that kids make up games and rules that are always fair.  He believes it’s instinctive for them to be fair when left alone by adults.  I remember this from my childhood and watched these modern day kids who are poster children for organized sports and activities.

Guess what?  They still like to play.  First, at the swimming pool, the 14 and 15 year old made up dunking games, where they dunked each other, basketball games played with a small ball, a large beach ball, whatever they could find.  DSC_0409Then there were games on the slide with the ball, games off the diving board, and games with a sister/cousin and her friend.  They never stopped moving.DSC_0400DSC_0420DSC_0413Everything was discussed for a few minutes and then they played.  And played, moving from one part of the pool to the other with a new idea.  The next day, we added a 12 year old and a four year old cousin to the mix.  This changed it up a bit while they learned the new rules.DSC_0013DSC_0023There was no complaining about being bored, no arguments, no tears or whining.  Later, we met for dinner and I brought Pop-Its or Bang Pops, about 50 boxes of them.  They found more ways to pop them than I could imagine.  Very creative popping going on…DSC_0006DSC_0007And we ended the day with hundreds of kids waiting for the fireworks display.  Impromptu games of soccer and frisbee broke out with boys and girls of all ages playing their own version, mindful of the difference in ages and sizes, but all playing.  They didn’t ask names or wait to be introduced, they just threw a ball out there and it began.  They must have played for an hour or two without anybody stopping before they came back to the blankets at dark.  DSC_0020When I watch kids, all kids, playing like this, free of adults to hover over them or tell them what they are supposed to be doing, it gives me great hope.  If kids can figure out how to get along, shouldn’t we all be able to?  If kids can play together, shouldn’t we be able to live together, even with our differences?  Our children have wonderful imaginations when left to use them.  I’m hoping they use those imaginations plus the happy memories they have to build an even better world.

As their grandmother, all I know is that they are just so much fun to watch!

Tattoos were a topic of discussion with my son from his teen years.  He had the tenacity to end every conversation (well, not EVERY, but it seemed like it) with “Mom, can I get a tattoo?”  The answer was always “No.”  Just a firm “No.”  When his father was in the Navy, he used to amuse me with stories of the strange and stupid tattoos his fellow sailors got while on leave.  I asked him if he was tempted, and he said he thought about it, but thought again.

When I was growing up, tattoos were seen on burly guys who had been in the service or strange people you didn’t want to associate with.  They were not common in Tulsa, Oklahoma in the 50s and 60s.  When they started coming into vogue, my husband and I were on an island resort beach and saw an older couple, maybe 70s, probably from Europe, with tattoos.  It made us laugh because the tattoos were sagging and not so attractive.

At one point in the tattoo discussion years, I gave my son a wonderful tie with tattoos designs, telling him this was the tattoo he had been asking for.  Stupid me.  He loved the tie, but he didn’t give up the idea.

IMG_5049Needless to say, he started getting tattoos as soon as he went to college, starting with his fraternity letters on his ankle.  I excused that as something that at least would last forever.  The next ones were the family crests of my family and his father’s on his shoulders and the celtic design on his lower back, telling me they were to honor his grandfathers.  Really.  There was the penguin he got on his leg when we went to Seattle for his cancer treatment.  I have to say it was at least a work of art.  There was the mad kitten attacking the ball of yarn on his upper arm when he licked cancer the first time, a symbol of his triumph.  And there was some weird wolverine or something on his forearm.  God knows why.163996_1576103763497_1262679120_31377092_8035279_n

He’s gone now and we never finished our conversation on the tattoos because he was going to do what he was going to do.  I never got to tell him how carefully I protected his skin with lotions when he was a baby, how I worried over every blemish, bruise and scar that marred his perfect skin.  He was a work of art from the day he was born.  I didn’t understand why he needed to cover anything, but I did appreciate his love for life and his attempt to experience every bit of it he could.  I loved him for that and tried not to grimace at the tattoos.

I’m trying to understand the body art I see everywhere and not relating to the addiction that people have to it.  I’m not criticizing, just trying to understand.  I’m getting older by the moment and I can only visualize what a tattoo would look like on the parts of my body that change (I won’t mention droop) from year to year.  On the other hand, I have seen photos of gorgeous tattoos covering women who have had double mastectomies and understand the beauty of that.

It’s also amusing to know that this too shall pass and the next generation or the next one will look at their parents and grandparents and see the tattoos and do something different, whatever that may be.  Maybe they’ll just choose to go with what they have.  I watch my grandkids and wonder if they’ll leave home and head for the tattoo parlor because it’s legal and everywhere.  Their mothers must be cringing as much as I was.

In my wisdom of the ages, I know that the only thing I could have done to stop my son was to sacrifice and get tattooed myself so it wouldn’t be so cool.  But he would have thought of something else, so I’m glad I saved my own skin to let it age naturally, age spots and all.   I tend to look beyond the skin these days anyway.

Loyal and True…to our Alma Mater…O…S…U.  Those are lyrics from the alma mater at Oklahoma State University, where I spent six years, excepting some summer vacations, as an undergraduate and in graduate school.  Fifty-one years after I enrolled there, I have accepted a job working with students on a special project and will be returning weekly for at least the next year.  This is a school attended by two of my daughters, two of my sons-in-law and my daughter-in-law.  We have ties.

Yesterday, I attended the eighth grade assembly at my junior high and high school alma mater, sitting in the same auditorium where I spent another 6 years of my life, from 7th through 12th grades.  The same school I have shared with my children and now seven of my grandchildren.  Two of my sons-in-law and my daughter-in-law also graduated from this school.  We have more ties.

At my age, you can’t walk around these places without images from the past swirling through your memory.  You watch a high school assembly and your own assemblies flash before you.  Teachers and classmates, friends from then, some gone, some still in your life, perform, speak and walk from the 1950s and 6os.  When I walk into the halls of the school alone, I see my friends in groups, hanging out before school, giggling and gossiping, too loud or too quiet.  Making our way through the halls and through life as a teenager.  It’s not even conscious sometimes, but I remember when I get home.  And shake my head at how young we were, how sponge-like in our learning, how desperate to be grown up, to be cool, to know what to do in new situations.

At Oklahoma State, my images are even more varied.  I spent my college years there, my first two years of marriage, and became a mother in that college town.  I did a lot of growing up in that place and had a lot of fun.  It was a big school in a small town and I came from a city.  The students had different backgrounds and I learned from them.  I can’t walk across that campus without being struck by how familiar it is and how much it’s grown, like everything in the last 50 years that’s managed to stay around.

There’s comfort in the familiar…like the first building on campus, Old Central.DSC_0001

…and seeing the steps to Morrill Hall where I had many of my English classes and taught Freshman Composition for two years.  My office was up those steps, I slipped on those steps in the ice when I first got married.  Oh, those steps.DSC_0002Every corner has a memory in that town.  We stood on Main Street to watch Hubert Humphrey drive by or to watch the Homecoming Parade, a tradition that lives on with Pistol Pete still walking strong.IMG_3059The memories are stronger than ever.  Walking from the Student Union, voted #1 in the United States this year, past the library where I spent so many hours going through the card catalogues, researching ever so many papers…IMG_3052I expect to see familiar faces, but I see younger ones, much younger ones.  The dorms where I lived are still there, I can see the window of the room where I first saw the Beatles on Ed Sullivan.  I drive by the dorm where I spent two years as a student counselor and can count the floors to my room.  The duplex where we lived when we married and where we brought our first baby home is still standing, still looking like a cheap college rental place after all these years.  The movie theaters we frequented in town are long gone, replaced by a megaplex theatre, The Hideaway, where my husband worked as manager, is still there on campus corner, although it’s moved to a much larger location.  Our friend, the owner, who wasn’t much older than we were recently passed away, a pillar of the community.  At least the Fire Station still owns that corner, a reminder of the old days.DSC_0003It’s a wonderful thing to be invited to return to a place where there are so many memories to warm your heart.  My students will keep me sharp and I can hopefully help them with my experience.  They will teach me a lot, I know.  How fitting that my last job brings me back to my first jobs on this campus.  The old and the new merge into a blur of my life.  I’ve got my new school ID, plastic with my picture instead of the paper one I used to carry.  There’s a comparison of then and now in everything I do.  Then and now.  My past and my present merged into another life experience, into new adventures.  I’m as excited as a freshman…just old enough not to be as nervous.

An Oklahoma orange sunset was in my rearview mirror as I drove home this week.  Lovely.DSC_0004

What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.”
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

I saw this quote yesterday and it echoes the thoughts I have often now that there are more days behind me than in front of me in this life of mine.  I’m fascinated with the things we remember in a lifetime.  There are a lot of things I can’t believe I don’t remember in detail and wish I did.  There are things that I remember vividly and wish I didn’t.  Maybe this is why I like photos so much – they trigger memories of all kinds in this cluttered brain of mine.

I recently read that old people don’t think slower, they just have more stored in their brains to sort through, like a giant file cabinet filled to overflowing that you have to search methodically for the information you need.  That’s a pretty old school analogy, hunh?  At least that’s comforting – to think you’re not losing it, you just have too much of it.

The other thing that I wonder about is the way people remember the same thing.  I’ve talked with friends about the way members of a family see an event differently, based on their age, family position, personality, etc.  Sometimes a small moment can make a lasting impact on a person’s life while a potentially life-changing occurrence is put in perspective and has little importance in the long run.

Perspective on the memories we have is something that takes some conscious effort most of the time.  We can make choices about how we absorb a memory and it can also change as the years go on and we learn more about why it happened or how others perceived it.  Perspective is what keeps us going through life’s unexpectedness.  If we get locked in on the single impression as only seen by us, we may lose the ability to see it from other views, other people’s perspectives.  I’ve found that we’re healthiest when we learn to look at an event from many sides, to let it grow or shrink in importance to find its proper place in the timeline of our lives.

We all have memories and they can sustain us or crush us.  It’s all about working to put them in place.  It would be nice if we only had happy ones, but that rarely happens.  Memories make us who we are.  For better or worse.  When you lose your memory, you lose a lot of yourself, as seen in Alzheimer’s patients.

Enough of that – may all your memories be put in their place and may they mostly make you smile!OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA