So, I’m 80. I realize that if I die today, everyone will say I had a long life and how nice for her. Very true. And I appreciate every year I’ve had, the good and the not so great. I really have had more than my share of happiness and so many special experiences and adventures. And, yet, I still want more. How greedy of me.
There are funny things about being 80, starting with looking in the mirror and wondering how that happened. We’d all like to think we don’t look our age, but there is the proof, staring back at you. Of course, 80 doesn’t look the same for everyone. I look ok, but I know people who are in better shape and some who look a lot older. There’s no real way to tell how old anyone is these days. It’s also funny when you get things in the mail asking you to subscribe for two years rather than one to save a few dollars. I now look at those and laugh. Who knows if I’ll be here or driving or reading or anything. It’s all pretty up in the air.
I’m lucky to have minor aches and pains. I still have my original knees and hips and eyes and teeth (although there are crowns, an implant, and fillings). I have scars from some surgeries, but who doesn’t have some kind of scars at 80? If you don’t, you must not have done very much. I have visible scars and also the unseen ones where life stomped on your heart and left you reeling. If you have lived this long, you have encountered some hurt inside and out.
The reality is that everything does slow down, even with the most active of my friends. It takes a little longer to do everything and we don’t even care about dealing with things that seemed important not that long ago. The battle is to stay on top of your life before your body or your brain or your finances topple you.
My projects of the moment include going through my house, which is filled with a clutter of memories, as I say, and clearing space. I honestly can’t walk a step in my home without seeing something that reminds me of someone or some time. I love that, actually. I remember cleaning my mother’s house after she died and having fun going through everything. She had cleaned out the trash, which helped. It was just the objects. I’m trying to get there for my kids’ and grandkids’ sakes. There’s also the feeling that, if I don’t get it all done, oh well. My house is paid for and they all live nearby, so they can take their time and enjoy it. I’ve tried to point out which items are old family items and which are valuable, so don’t sell them for pennies. They don’t really remember what I’ve said, which I understand, so I’m trying to document what I can. Sigh.
The cleaning out takes time because you uncover such treasures. Yesterday, I found a teapot I was going to give away because I have no idea how I got it and then did a little research and found it was worth something. I decided to give away my husband’s cowboy hats and asked all my grandkids if anyone wanted them and they all did. Now I have to figure out who gets them, which is another dilemma. He would get a kick out of it.
I find myself saying “I’m 80” a lot. Sometimes it’s to my self, just because it’s seems so unreal. Sometimes it’s to someone else because I guess I’m hoping they’ll take what I’m saying more seriously. And, frankly, sometimes it’s to get out of something. Hey! Have a little respect for the age. I’m not quite sure how other people take it. We don’t quite live in a culture that automatically respects age.
80 is an interesting age. We have so much experience and, hopefully, wisdom in at least some areas, and perspective, but there are limits. I don’t think 80 year olds should be in charge of everything or of much. They should be there to mentor, advise, assist, but it’s time for others to take over. We should be ready to turn over responsibilities, information, and have a plan for turning over possessions. For gosh sakes (sounds 80ish), get out of the way. Have faith in those younger who may be able to make this a better world than we have. I hope. For all the progress and wonderful things that I’ve seen happen in my lifetime, we sure seem to be able to mess it up.
Since I was born at the end of 1945, the end of World War II, I’ve seen some remarkable changes. The technology is mind-blowing, as I watched early television, talked on phones with cords and operators, rode in cars where we had to crank the windows down by hand, lived without air conditioning in summers where we slept spread eagle on the bed with fans blowing. We even took trips in cars without air conditioning. I survived chicken pox, measles, mumps, whooping cough and avoided polio and will stand in line for any vaccine that will eradicate those dreadful diseases. I have arthritis in my thumbs, my lower back and my neck, but there are so many things I can do about it now that my poor grandmothers who were pretty crippled by it couldn’t. My husband and son died of cancer decades ago and I’ve watched new treatments and cures discovered that might have given them more years. Medicine is full of miracles these days.
I learned to write cursive and go to the library and look things up in the card catalog. I took notes in class and wrote papers out by hand. I learned to type and turned in college papers that could have no mistakes and had to have copies made by typing on several sheets of paper with carbon paper between. Correcting was tricky and we welcomed the invention of white-out and then correcting tape before the first word processors came along. A few years ago, or was it a decade ago, I found myself working again at Oklahoma State University, where I had first worked as a graduate assistant in the 1960s. So many hours of my college years had been spent in the library, looking up sources in the card catalog, then physically finding the magazine or book in the library, then copying information by hand into notebooks and notecards. I went back inside that gorgeous building and looked around for anything familiar. I told a student working at the desk that I hadn’t been in since 1967 and she smiled and said, “Welcome back.” There were no books in sight, only desks with computers. I will say that the library was full with people looking up information and rooms where humans were actually sitting and reading. It was still a beautiful place.
I learned computers as a volunteer in my children’s elementary school when the PTA purchased the first primitive computers. I decided that if the kindergarteners could learn it, so could I. I stay up with the technology pretty well, although I don’t even try to learn it all because, frankly, I don’t need it all. When I was back at OSU, I laughed when I had to record grades for the students. In the 1960s, I wrote the grades on a sheet of paper and walked them over to the office. This time, I used a computer program, which I had to learn, and send them electronically. I sat at the back of a classroom to see how the students were listening to a guest speaker and observed them taking notes on their laptops as well as digressing to social media, emails, etc. They could get the information they were seeing projected on their computers rather than trying to write it all down, although there were notebooks and pens seen sometimes.
The changes for women and minorities in my lifetime have been major and won after hard fights. When I was in college, women had to live in the dorms until they were 23 or married. When I got married at age 21, birth control was still pretty new and I had to have permission to get it. Roe vs Wade passed, women were allowed to get credit cards and own property, and women were advancing in their professions, although they were still paid less. My daughters and granddaughters had rights my mother and grandmother didn’t imagine, yet here we are, losing them again. I’m a privileged white girl, but I watch my friends of color and hope their advancements don’t go away, too.
The most difficult part of growing older is losing people. My husband died when he had just turned 53, but we had our first three grandchildren born the year before he got sick. I learned perspective with that, even while I grieved and realized my life was going to change. I found that you have to balance the grief with the celebration of lives lived and new lives begun. We have no time table given to us, which is why 80 is a landmark in life. At 60, I felt empowered. At 70, I didn’t feel that different. At 75, I realized my body was changing. 80 is an accomplishment, if you can make it with your mind intact and your body working.
My 80 year old friends are all facing something, whether it is loss of memory, failing bodies, loss of income, estrangement from family, or loss of everyone around them. It’s not easy, but friends help. We can laugh together at the changes and drive each other and enjoy the memories and roll our eyes at our children and beam at our grandchildren. It helps to hang out with younger people and absorb some of their energy and perspective.
These days are to be enjoyed. A nap is often taken, whether you planned to or not. Dozing off is ok. I spend my days taking care of things around the house, keeping in contact with family and friends from all my 80 years, doing puzzles to keep my mind sharp, reading to keep up with the world, trying to stay physically active before I can’t, and planning adventures. I’m blessed or lucky to still be curious and want to see more and learn more. Since last fall, I have taken three trips, two to Europe and one to Oregon with family and friends. I still want to be able to do that. I’ve marched in protest of things I find wrong. I’ve met with my investment club, played mah jongg with friends (my mother played when I was young and I’ve played off and on for years, before the current rage for the game), and hosted parties and dined out with friends.
I realize sometimes that I’m trying to cram in everything before I can’t. Nobody knows when it will all end or how it will end. You can predict, but you can’t know. There are more memories behind me than I can possible have in front of me, so I’m happy to wallow in the pictures and sounds and objects that trigger them and make me feel sad, happy, silly, angry, nostalgic, lonesome – all the emotions.
On the days when I am discouraged by the evil changes happening today, I think I should just relax and let it happen. Mankind is pushing itself to extinction because we don’t take care of the planet and we don’t take care of each other. Then I shake my head and keep speaking out and fighting for my grandchildren and those to come. I like the old belief that we should make decisions based on how it will affect us seven generations from now. Sigh…
My time with my children and grandchildren is more precious than they will ever know. Having them all together brings tears to my eyes as I watch them interact, seeing the ties that we have carefully built with love and marveling in the fact that they are my greatest creation. Seeing them as a group that is bonded together makes seeing them individually even more special because each one of them is unique and incredible and a joy in so many different ways. I can’t predict how many years each of them has in front of them, but I hope I have provided at least some examples of how to deal with the curves that life brings. I hope I leave them, when I leave them, with the tools they need to make it as far as I have – strength of character, the ability to love, the ability to forgive, the ability to see different perspectives, kindness, curiosity, and determination. They have the genes of generations mixed in to make them unique and I hope they learn all those stories of the people who contributed to who they are and take it to the next generations.

So, here I am…an 80 year old lady, looking back and looking forward and being grateful for it all. What’s next?

















































































At some time, between 1930 and 1940 (according to census records), my grandmother moved her family to the house I always associate with her. My great-grandmother owned property around town and made sure that each of her grandchildren owned a house. My mother told me they had dignity during the Depression because they owned their home, even when the gas was turned off. My mother also spent a lot of time with her grandmother and could describe her, her clothing and everything in her house and yard in detail. My great-grandmother died in 1940 so I never got to meet her.
My mother left home after high school and sent money home to help her mother for the rest of her life. Mommy went to business school, returning during World War II to work at Ardmore Air Base, where my grandmother worked packing parachutes. My father was a Squadron Commander, a Lt. Colonel, assigned to Ardmore after he had completed his 50 missions, for which he was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross. They were a glamorous couple when they married and moved to his home in Oklahoma City, where he was in business with his father, brother and brother-in-law.
By the time I was 2 1/2, my family had moved to Tulsa and lived in a nice house with modern appliances (well, modern for 1948). We were comfortable, my parents each had a car, and my mother had help with my baby brother and later my sister. It was a different life from my grandmother’s, but I didn’t really think too much about it. I realize now how much I learned from my visits with her.
I spent hours alone, with my brother and sister, or with my cousin, swinging on that porch swing, playing on those stairs, catching horned toads in the yard. In the back yard was a pear tree where we ate the juicy fruit right off the branches. She even had chickens for a short time. Her garage was another source of amazement, where we could explore the boxes and trunks. My grandmother also had a wringer washer and a clothesline in the back yard. We had a clothesline at home, but the fun of running clothes through that wringer out in the yard never ended for this kid from the big city. We walked down the street to the ice house for chips of ice in the summer, visited a neighborhood store nearby with the nickels my grandmother gave us, or walked downtown to see the big stores or visit my uncle at First National Bank where he was a clerk and later Vice-President until his health made him retire early.
I don’t remember what else my grandmother cooked in that kitchen, but I know she made Kool-Aid and poured it into ice trays before we arrived. We called them squares and we could take a couple of the frozen treats in a bowl to suck on while we pushed ourselves as high as we could on the porch swing. I spent my days listening to her old 78 records or looking through her cedar chest where she kept a fur stole and a tissue wrapped piece of her hair. I don’t know how she got a fur stole and why people kept their hair when it was cut, but it was endlessly fascinating to me. Her cedar chest is in my bedroom. I can’t remember if the fur stole is still in there or not, down at the bottom.
As you can tell, I am more than sentimental about my family. The older I get, the more fascinating their stories are to me because they explain so much about who my parents were and who I became because of my ancestors. I like the links to my ancestors and I like having them around me.
Once we got through the Arbuckles, we kept our eyes open for the standpipe, signaling that we were in Ardmore. I can’t tell you how it delights me to see it to this day, even though the highway is located a few blocks away.
My summer stop this year left me with an evening of daylight, so I drove to the cemetery and then looked for the houses once again. To my delight, my grandmother’s house looked like someone new had moved in and was taking care of it. The whole neighborhood was starting to look a little better. They closed in the front porch years ago, but I can look at the house from each side and see how it used to look.
I have no idea what possessed a 71 year old woman, me, traveling alone to suddenly stop and ring the doorbell. I was greeted by a man who wasn’t unfriendly, but was surprised to see me. I started pouring out the story of my family and the house to him and he took interest. He had to leave and I wasn’t going to intrude, but he asked questions about the house and I told him I would send him some more information. He told me his family had moved to Ardmore from Central American and found the house taped up. I think they were able to get it if they agreed to fix it up.

I had a sense of the old days when I left the interstate. Back to the fried pies. They come in every flavor from meat to fruit to custards and are warm and yummy. 
I wound through narrow roads, passing old fashioned cabins where hot Oklahomans excepted the brutal heat of summer in the cool waters in these hills (well, mountains). I stopped at the Turner Falls lookout for a glimpse of the people playing in the water below the falls. There was so much more water after the spring rains. It looked like Niagara then.
The playground goes above and below the falls in a family favorite place to visit. Delightful!
Leaving the falls, I was surprised to see that wind farms have taken over. I’m not sure what my feelings are, but I do think they are mesmerizing to watch, like giant pinwheels. I hope they prove to be a great alternative to the dirtier fuels we use.
The Arbuckle roads are carved out of rock and I remember my mother telling us how geologists studied the layers that had been cut through for the roads. When we left these curves, the drive was a straight shot into Ardmore, where the first thing I looked for was the standpipe. It almost makes me cry to still see it, even though it’s surrounded by new business and development. There was a sign saying Happy 108th Birthday on it. You like some things to never change. In the olden days, you could see it from a long way away and it meant we were almost there…
Having started later than I planned, I found a motel, checked in and then left to see Ardmore, where I spent many a happy summer day catching horned toads, walking to the ice house, walking downtown with my grandmother, picking pears from the tree in her back yard, swinging on the porch swing, sucking on Kool-Aid squares (made in an ice cube tray, but we called them squares). My aunt and uncle lived in my great-grandmother’s old house, across the street from Central Park with it’s old fashioned band stand. Before they were born, the house was attached to the West Wagon Yard, owned by my great-grandfather and my grandfather. The Wests were early Ardmore settlers and owned property around town.
I drove around town, looking for places I remembered. There was the bank where my uncle worked, first as a teller and then as vice-president before he had to retire early with health problems. It still looks like it did when I was a child, although I didn’t want to spoil my memory of the fancy teller cages with the brass and iron by going inside.
The high school my mother and uncles attended is run down and for sale. I hope they repurpose the structure to save the history, but I’m one for historic preservation.
The Tivoli theatre still stands, but not for movies. Daube’s Department Store is long gone but was one of our favorite places to go with my grandmother.
My great-grandparents’ home was sold years ago and is now an art center, which is nice. I found both the houses my grandmother lived in. One looks much the same, while the other one is dramatically changed. I can still tell it’s the house and its familiarity warms my soul. Here is a photo of my mother in front with the porch swing and steps I remember so well. This was maybe 1940.
Here’s the front of the house today. Driving to see all sides, I can place every room even with the dramatic changes. The biggest mystery is how the street is so much narrower than I remember (Ha), but, it’s been about 40 years since the changes started.
Really, I saw this house a couple of years ago and it looked much rougher. I was taking pictures on the corner and someone told me it was probably a crack house. I was so delighted to see that it was being taken care of again and still standing that I pulled up and rang the doorbell. Here is the amazing story of that conversation.
Now it’s a cafe, the kind of place that you know is good by the locals who are there. The biscuits were lighter than I have had in years. The folks were talking with friends and I warmed to the lyrical sound of their voices, the sweet sounds of my childhood. When’s the last time you heard someone say “my land” to show surprise? Or talking about gittin’ to work?
I left Ardmore where they fly their flags proudly to head to Texas.
I was tiring of the Interstate, looking for the way to the back road I prefer. Going towards Ft. Worth, I saw a Buc-ee’s at the next exit. If you’re not familiar with this Texas-sized stop, try one. Hard to explain, but you’ll find everything you could possibly need on the road – from gas to food to gifts and clothing. It’s a road stop shopping extravaganza.
Anyway, as I took the access road, Dale Earnhardt Way, or something like that, I realized that I was smack in the middle of the Texas Motor Speedway. Since nobody was around, I drove through, taking in the huge facility. I can only imagine when the races are actually happening. I had the luxury of being the only driving around, so I took it all in. 

Moving along, I looked for my exit, only to be caught in freeway traffic and construction. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I circled the city and headed into Texas country. At one point, I turned on my directions on my phone and soon found myself directed out into the hinterlands, off on farm roads. What the heck? It was ok. I was in beautiful country, ranches hidden in the trees.
Here are two that are across the road from each other…
Those are slightly more elaborate than some, but interesting. Here’s my favorite of all time, located in Johnson City. El Ranch Not So Grande says it all, doesn’t it?
Speaking of this place – who knew there were so many goat farms in this area? I saw more goats than cattle for a long stretch.
I made my way south on Highway 281, enjoying the green views, watching thunderheads build from the summer heat, hawks flying across the sky. Little towns, cowboy towns, western towns. I didn’t stop except for gas and the Dairy Queen. What is a road trip without a dip cone in the summer? Driving without dripping all over yourself is fun.
I arrived at my sister-in-law’s, deep in Texas Hill Country, where she lives on 7 1/2 acres of rugged beauty. Deer jump the fence and come to the house, birds sing, and you can see only the beautiful Live Oaks and cedars everywhere you look. She doesn’t have a horse any more, but the barn is now her art studio. Since I was last there, the area around has grown up. We debated whether it is better to welcome development in a small town or let the town die. There used to be nothing and now there is a Walmart, Home Depot, medical care, and everything else. She doesn’t have to drive so far, so she’s happy. Her view hasn’t changed, so all is good for her. It’s changing though.
The area she has lived in since 1977 is the part of Texas where Germans settled to create their own society. The towns reflect that heritage with names like New Braunfels, Fredericksburg, Boerne, and so on. In the middle of Mexicans and Indians and cowboys, there are Germans. It’s America, after all.
With German names everywhere I looked, I thought this statue must be one of the old German settlers. Nope – Wild Bill Hickok. Of course. Note the gazebo where German music has been played for a century in the background.
After a day relaxing in the pool visiting with my sister-in-law and her long time neighbor, also from Oklahoma originally, and a dinner of chicken-fried steak at the local restaurant, it was time to head home the next day. Which way to go?
I’d been around during his political years and there is much to be admired about that old tough cowboy. In Johnson City, the National Park Service offers information and tours of his boyhood home and an old settlement. I drove around and then headed 14 miles out of town to the ranch. On the way, I stopped to take this picture. The town lists pop. 150. Hye, TX.
The LBJ Ranch is run by the National Parks and the Texas Parks, so it has to be good. I LOVE the parks, by the way. There is much to see and it can be easily driven, so I gave it a quick look, having visited farms before. After passing the first Head Start School and Lutheran Church, I crossed the Pedernales River to the ranch. There was the one room school house LBJ attended and the house where he was born down the road from his grandfather’s place. The most peaceful place was the Johnson Family Cemetery. What a lovely spot to be, under the spreading Live Oaks in a little walled off cemetery.
You couldn’t enter, but there were all the headstones. The flowers are for Lady Bird, our lover of wildflowers.
Entering the actual working ranch, I thought it looked too perfect with cattle on both sides of the road as I went through the gate.
Those wide open spaces, the cattle, the big skies…I could picture LBJ riding this range with ease. It seemed so natural for him. At one point I spotted a mother deer and fawn in the trees by the road. As a city girl, I still get excited about seeing deer, but I understand when people live with them all the time. They multiply, eat the things in the yard, and can be a nuisance. I still like to see them.
I passed the show barns where LBJ’s prize cattle were shown. The park ranger had told me I could stop and learn how to rope steer, but I passed on that. It was hot, for one thing. By the house, I got out, gulping water to walk a bit in the searing middle of the day. First was Air Force 1/2, as LBJ called it. They couldn’t land a big plane on the property, so they used this one. It was so small compared to the luxury of Air Force One. I had to stoop to get through the door and I’m only 5’4″ these days. 
I walked to the house, checking out the very small command center for the Secret Service. The house is a big ranch house, but nothing too imposing really. It fits nicely on the property, overlooking a pond, big Live Oaks all around. There was a house adjacent that may have been for guests with a swimming pool between. I didn’t wait around for the ranger’s tour.
Leaving the ranch, which I thoroughly enjoyed seeing, I made the turn to go to Luckenbach. I’ve been there before, but, hey, I was in the neighborhood. The scenery had changed since I was last here. Now it’s wine country and I probably passed 50 wineries in ten miles. There was even a wine shuttle taking people between the tasting rooms. I passed wineries and peach stands along the way. Peaches and grapes in the Texas Hill Country in the summer are the thing. I stopped on the way back to get some peaches because my mother always stopped at fruit stands and I absolutely cannot pass them by. The peaches were Texas huge. I had just purchased peaches in Oklahoma from one of our orchards, so I was in a peach kind of mood. These were yummy.
Luckenbach, Texas is a mecca for tourists and music lovers. It consists of the old Post Office and a couple of buildings for restrooms, food, and one selling cowboy hats. There is a stage for musicians to gather. It’s cute and fun and one of those gotta stop places. On the way, I passed this farm with a front patch of dead trees (pic doesn’t show them all). Must be eerie at night.
Luckenbach was as I remembered with more parking places for when it’s hopping. There were people on cycles and tourists galore, picking up souvenirs, just as it should be.
There is a bar at the back of the old post office and I greeted the sleeping cat, the bar cat that catches the bar mice, as one man noted.
I headed back to Johnson City and then north again, stopping to drive through a few of the towns. My final destination was Hico, Texas, a little western town. Hico has a scenic Main Street with a large Mexican restaurant on the corner. I have to note that when you go through these towns, you should look for the local cafe or the local Mexican restaurant if you want a good meal. It’s true everywhere in the country!
I toured the Billy the Kid Museum, which has a fun story since who knows if Billy the Kid really lived there,
and checked out the old Opera House around the corner.
I circled back to the road and found the famed chocolate shop and walked across the street to the Koffee Kup Family Restaurant. It had to be good.
When a menu says their specialties are Chicken Fried Steak, Onion Rings and Pies, you just know. Yes, they were all excellent, especially the pie. I chose chocolate meringue (so rich), but they have a bunch of flavors. People were buying whole pies, by the way.
The place was the real deal, complete with some of the owner’s aunt’s salt and pepper collection. 
I was full even though I didn’t finish everything, but it was time to move along, leaving this charming town behind me. Now I needed to see how far I could get…heading north. Was I too tired to drive all the way home? Probably. The question was answered after I hit the Chisholm Trail Parkway, which follows the old cattle trail but doesn’t resemble anything about it, and headed into Ft. Worth. Everything was pretty smooth for a Saturday night until we screeched on our brakes. I was then trapped on the freeway with no exits, construction for three lanes beside me, inching along, for 45 minutes. I played Dice with Friends on my iPad with my sister-in-law to kill the time. We rose higher and higher on the freeway, locked in place. This was the most tiring part of the whole trip. When I finally escaped, I had to find a motel and ended up back in Ardmore in a complete turn around.
So I drove to the polls with a sudden rush of knowing how all the women in my family would vote today, even the ones who were never allowed to vote. I had a vision of having a discussion with all my ancestors on both sides, male and female, about the candidates in this election. I’m not sure how the men would vote really because they are from a different time and different generations. But, the women would know exactly who and what is going on. I felt that so strongly after my fifteen minute drive, which was an interesting feeling. I certainly hadn’t been thinking about any of them when I started out this morning.
You can see the line wound up and around the dumpster, although not too long. Beside us were the election officials, who were drinking coffee and talking.
A man with a cane approached the line and they stopped him to show him where he could go so he didn’t have to stand in the longer line. He was most appreciative and they were very polite. Inside, there were sheriffs to tell us how to proceed and they were friendly and helpful and nice. Everyone was smiling, everything moved quickly and, even with a long ballot to hand mark, the whole thing took about 20 minutes. As I left, more elderly people, on walkers, canes and in wheelchairs, were entering through the other door. That was nice to see. They were making the effort to be there.