Archives for category: Reflections

My youngest daughter turns 40 today. I’m looking at pictures from her life and wondering how does time pass so quickly. She was just born, wasn’t she? And then all those years become a reality and you see that little baby transform into a beautiful woman, a wife and mother. That’s fun to see and I’m grateful to have watched it, been a part of it. My son, my youngest, will be forever 35, so I’m well aware of how lucky I am, we all are, to get to watch our children grow up and develop their own personalities and talents and see where life is taking them and I’m grateful for every minute of the time we have together. no matter how long each life will be.

When your children are 40, your role is different – thank goodness! I’m a part of their lives, but they are their lives and I’m privileged to enjoy as much as I can with them. I’ve always tried not to offer unwanted advice or be critical and to give them their space away from me. I hope I’ve succeeded in that most of the time. I’m lucky they all live close by so I don’t have to travel or Skype and I can see my grandchildren. I’m forever grateful for that.

Hopefully, your children become your friends at this stage in all of your lives. It’s different from friends your own age, who share memories of growing up together or being together in a certain time. Your children are always your children and you always worry about them and take pride in their accomplishments and hurt for them and with them. But, now, you can enjoy them as adults. One of my favorite things is to listen to them together or with their friends. I don’t have to talk to enjoy the joy of their lives and see how they interact and what makes them laugh. Those things make me happy. Seeing them happy in their marriages, with their children, with their friends, in their work and play warms a special place in my heart. Hearing them laughing together, remembering funny family memories, is the best. When I get to be a part of that, it’s just all the better.

I’m choosing to ignore the obvious thing about having your children turn 40. What does that make me? Inside, I don’t think I feel 40, but I’m constantly reminded that I’m much more than that. Having children who are 40 is a pretty blatant reminder for all the world to see. The good thing is that there are days I feel 16 and days I feel as old as I am and I try to remember how I felt at each age along the way so I can pull it out and weigh it against how I feel today. I can’t go back because then I wouldn’t have all the memories I’ve had since I was 40, all the people I’ve met, all the fun things I’ve done. Even the heartaches are worth the journey.

Having children who are 40 is a milestone for all of us. We’ve made it this far together, we’re grateful for all we’ve learned and shared together, and our lives go on for as long as we have. 40 is a big birthday for each of us – no denying that you’re all grown up now. When you’re the parent of 40 year olds, it’s not such a bad reminder that life rushes by more quickly than we can imagine. No time for pettiness, selfishness, and all the negatives that waste our time and energies. It’s a time to celebrate all we have, all we’ve been and all that lies ahead. Life is all we’ve got and each year is a treasure to spend wisely, surrounded by those you love.

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When you’re watching your grandchildren grow up, you can’t help but compare their lives to yours at the same age. It’s always jarring to look at a picture of yourself and realize you look as old fashioned to them as your grandparents did to you. You only hope that they can look past that and learn from your infinite wisdom, also hoping you have any.

When I was in 7th grade, junior high then, most of us started social dance classes. Other communities had similar places, but, in Tulsa, we had Skilly’s, where we first learned etiquette. They seated the boys on one side and the girls on the other and the boys had to learn how to walk, not run, across the room and politely ask a girl to dance. That was palm-sweating, nerve wracking, embarrassing and, yet, we all learned to be gracious. Not only did we learn to dance – fox trot, waltz, swing, cha cha – in the basic class, but they had dances for us to get real practice. This is me in 7th grade at one of the dances. Since I started junior high at 11, I must have turned 12 by this time, probably wearing my first heels, strapless dress and petticoats.

Karen at Merry Maids Dance 1958

We had lots of dances in junior high and high school. It seems like there was always something going on. We also had social clubs in junior high and high school for both boys and girls. The clubs had dances, the school had dances, there were dances after football games, friends had dances in their homes where we played our stacks of 45s and 33 rpm records. And rock and roll was growing by leaps and bounds, so we had great music, lots of local bands, and plenty of opportunities to practice our skills. We danced fast and furiously and we danced a lot. At least I did back in the 50s and 60s. New dances came out all the time. The Twist was our new favorite my senior year.

As with most things, there was good and bad in the clubs, which excluded some kids and involved voting on members, not all of which was pretty, kind or fair. But, we learned to organize and plan events under the helpful eyes of our mothers, we learned to invite people out, and we started dating. Dating started with dance school, social club and school dances with your parents driving. There was the giggling with your friends at school while you eyed the boy you wanted to ask you out. There was the cringingly painful waiting by the phone, literally waiting by the phone since we didn’t have either portable or cell phones, and there was the horror when someone asked you out that you didn’t want to go with. And, finally, there was the joy of having the right boy call or ask you out, followed by the awkwardness of being together and getting to know each other. No wonder so many couples went steady, which was when you were supposed to be exclusively with that boy or girl. At least you didn’t have to wonder about the dance.

There weren’t just dances. We dated a lot. There were coke dates (casual dates to go get a coke and either get to know the person or just be together), movies, football games, basketball games, picnics, church events, and anything else we could come up with as an excuse to go out. Once you were going with someone, it wasn’t so much a date as deciding where you were going to tell your parents you were going. One time my future husband and I toured the Wonder Bread factory on a Friday night for a cheap date. I didn’t ever lie about where I was going, but I did end up other places, too. There was a lot of time until our Midnight curfew for most girls. I got to stay out until 1:00 when the dances ended at 12.

We hung out with our friends, too. I spent a lot of time cruising with my girlfriends and even groups of guys. Nobody seemed to ask where we were going on those nights, so we just cruised all over town, laughing, listening to the radio, and looking for whatever Friday night would bring. American Graffiti was the story of my high school days, music and all.

Anyway, I digress with lots of memories here. By the time we got to graduation, most of us had been on lots of dates of various kinds. Here I am at what was called the Southern Ball, a high school sponsored dance, my senior year. I had the dress and heels, had been to the beauty shop, because I know I could never have gotten my hair to do this on my own, and we were headed out. Rockin’ and rollin’ in the big heels and big hair. I think I still had my braces on – they came off right before my prom.

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By the time we got to college, we were prepared as much as you can be to jump into the craziness of campus life. Here is a picture of my husband and me at a dance at Oklahoma State University a few months before we got married, my senior year. I love his high water pants – he had gotten out of the Navy that summer and grown a few more inches and his old civilian wardrobe needed some updating. But here we were, engaged and out on a date, going dancing as we had since we met.

Karen's engagement picture

My grandkids don’t date as much. They have a few dances, which they hate because there are so many drugs and the dancing isn’t as much fun. At least we knew how to do close dancing as well as do the newest ones and anyone drinking was thrown out. Movies are expensive so that isn’t an every weekend option. There don’t seem to be places for all the kids to hang out and they don’t attend the school sporting events like we did. It’s a new world. I don’t blame their parents for sheltering them more, for keeping them home where there are movies and video games to entertain them. I don’t blame parents for anything. We all do our best to protect and raise our children and who am I to say what I would be doing today. I’m just an observer, looking through the lens of what was and what is.

The word dating has a new generation meaning. Parents go on Date Nights, where we used to just go out with our husbands. The word dating is almost a euphemism these days. I never know for sure what they mean when adults say they are “dating.” It has shaded differences, for sure.

I’m being nostalgic as I remember the fun we had, blocking out the bad dates that also came with the experience. I hope my grandkids date with more than texts and emails, explore meeting different people and falling in love in the best of ways, not matter what they call the process. It’s all about learning to be in relationships where we feel the most comfortable and loved and have the most fun life can offer us. I wish everyone finds that, at least once in their lives.

Shine is a term I learned in Hollywood last year, probably from one of the ever present celebrity news shows in L.A.  It basically means what people get when they rub up against the stars.  Writing about it is a little strange because I sound like I’m dropping names myself, which is not my intention.  I was reminded of the meaning of Shine today when an actor friend was telling another friend about his first trip to an autograph show.  People lined up for two hours to get his autograph, a new thing for someone who has been a serious actor for almost 50 years and suddenly finds himself in the middle of a popular show.  He’s old enough to get a kick out of it, even though he is amazed by it.

I’ve met many famous people through the years, famous for everything from sports to acting to art, cooking, politics, music, whatever.  It’s fun to see them in person, and, yes, some of them are larger than life, but I’m always amazed at the reaction of everyone around them, including myself sometimes.  I’m not a big autograph person, although I do have some autographed books.  I usually have authors sign their name rather than signing it to me, which seems so awkward since I don’t really know them.  There were a couple of exceptions with chefs I worked with for several months.  I’m also not one for jumping into pictures with the stars, even though I love pictures.  I do have a picture of me with Dorothy Hamill, taken years ago.  She was sitting on my desk at work, waiting to perform, and I got a picture mainly because I had worn her hair style for years.  I don’t remember any other photos of me with anyone.  I think I had an autographed picture of Hopalong Cassidy when I was a little girl and met him at a horse show.  It also comes from not wanting to bother them while they are trying to be normal people, which is where I usually meet people of fame.

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This isn’t to say I don’t understand all of this.  I have tons of pictures of people and it’s fun to see fans line up for someone.  I love that the “stars” get to meet their fans and feel appreciated, which probably makes the star shine even more.  I’m reading yet another book about Joan of Arc, who was a superstar in her time.  Even her opponents described the glow that came from within her.  If all is true, her shine came from her sacred mission and her purity, although she was as human as the rest of us with her bad temper and stubborn ways.

The “stars” we think of are normal people doing their job, some enormously talented in their field, and a few who are just good people.  I’m not going to become a star by meeting famous people or hanging around with them.  The reason I’m writing about Shine is to remind myself that I should be getting my Shine from rubbing up against people who are caring and loving and making a difference in the world.  These people are all around us.  We don’t ask them for autographs or have our picture made with them.  They don’t get a concrete star in Hollywood or their name in lights or get mentioned on television every day.  I want to shine because I’ve surrounded myself with family and friends who make me better for knowing them.

I do love the term Shine though.  It’ll be around as long as there are stars in the sky!

Sometimes you can’t help being happy.  Nothing happened today that is out of the ordinary or too good or too bad.  It was cloudy and cold this morning with snow flurries.  Now the sun is out, the sky is blue, the enormous Bradford Pear trees in my neighbor’s yard are in full bloom, and Spring is coming for sure.

Sometimes the simple things are all you need to lift your soul!  And give you a moment of silliness!

 

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I don’t remember being afraid of too much until I became a parent.  Maybe I was and those fears were minor compared to the ones that come with parenthood.  Or, maybe, they come with seeing the real world for all its dangers.  I’m talking about those moments when your brain goes berserk with all the possibilities that are out of your control, those times when your imagination takes over reason and you are actually experiencing real symptoms of fear.  Pacing.  Sweating.  Heart racing. Nerves on edge.  Sleeplessness.  That feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Out of control.

There are times when you should be afraid, should know that there may be danger out there.  I’m talking about the fear that comes when you really have no specific reason to think the worst, to imagine the worst case scenario.  This was all brought home to me when one of my cats disappeared, not even for a very long time.  He had an infection and had a shot of antibiotics.  He went outside, which he does every night, and didn’t come back first thing in the morning.  Did a fox get him?  Did he get hit by a car?  Did he get catnapped?  Totally irrational, because he has done this before, but very real on my part.

It’s like the times your child comes home later than expected or you can’t reach a child at college (this was before cell phones and internet).  All the possible horrible things you can imagine come to mind.  The human mind is a tricky thing.  So is the human heart.  The worst things that have happened to me weren’t preceded by this sudden feeling of being out of control.  They were shocks, but they weren’t sudden.  They had been coming for awhile.  Sometimes you feel something isn’t right, but you don’t get these crazy thoughts.  These are different.

The good thing about these times when you have let your imagination fly into the worst places is that the object of the fear returns or call, usually with no knowledge of your fear, and the sense of relief is as physical as the fear was.  Sometimes followed by embarrassment that you let your mind go so crazy.  In my latest case, the cat came sauntering down the street, came when I called and looked at me like “What?!”  Probably rolled his eyes, at least to himself.  Just like kids.

Our brains are interesting organs, crammed with knowledge, capable of incredible imagination, storage place for all sorts of emotions.  These crazy fears are like bad dreams…maybe not as bad.  At least an incident triggered this bout.  I don’t know if this kind of thing is from love, guilt that you weren’t doing your job, or somewhat of a mixture.  I’m not going to go any crazier about it than I already have!  Everybody is in the right place for now.

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There are some ugly words out there, some of them mean and cruel, racist epithets, hateful terms.  But there are a couple that I find the ugliest of all.

The first one is Cancer.  If you hear this word, no matter what you know or who it’s about, you immediately think DEATH.  Tell me you don’t automatically go there, no matter how many people you know who have beat it or are in remission.  In those first shocking seconds, that’s what makes you gasp!  From what I’ve read, it’s always there and it just gets a foothold on us when our immune system is down or we suffer a trauma or many other reasons.  And it never really goes away, even if you’re in remission for years.  You may never have another occurrence, but it is always hanging there.  If it’s active or recent, you live from scan to scan.  Even after the all clear, there has got to be a gulp before a doctor’s visit or every time you feel a twinge or ache.  It’s not a death sentence for all, thank goodness, but it’s still pretty devastating to hear it said.  I’ve lived through it with my husband and son, both of them gone because of the disease & the treatments, and with friends, some who lived through it, some who are still dealing with it and some who are now gone.  It’s just an ugly word.

The second ugliest word to me is Widow.  I looked it up and it’s been used since before the 12th century.  That’s what it feels like…archaic.  It comes from Middle English, Old English, Old High German and Latin variations of the word.  The Latin word, videre, means to separate.  I learned that widowhood is also called viduity.  That’s an obscure, strange term that sounds like…what does that sound like?  Anyway, widower doesn’t seem to have the same ugly sound to me.  Widowers are men, sad and lonely, who most often will find another woman as quickly as they can.  That’s kind of cold, but it’s very often, not always, true.  This doesn’t mean they didn’t love their wives, but it’s just a male thing.  I’m not making a blanket statement, just an observation.  There are always exceptions.

I don’t know what the label Widow does to most women, but I didn’t like it.  It’s a strange word to check on forms, an ugly word for a strange club you never wanted to join (as another widow friend of mine said).  Here’s what the word conjures up to me.

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Now, tell me the truth.  Isn’t that the image that jumps to mind?  Some variation of this, at least.  Especially the wringing the handkerchief part.  At least this one isn’t wearing a black veil.  I’m not trying to be flip about it, because it is a painful, painful state of being at first.  Your heart is ripped apart, if you loved your husband, and you feel like you’ve been torn in two.  It’s not an easy thing and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  I know people who have suffered through this at all ages, although I guess at some point as you get older, you suspect it will happen to you or your spouse.  Even then, it’s not easy and can still be a shock.  My parents were married over 50 years and my mother was devastated.  She was a strong woman, but this was her life.  Like all of life, everyone handles it differently, hence, the merry widow, the black widow, etc.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but it was on my mind since I’m marking 15 years of living with this label.  I still think of him every day, I still miss him, I can still hear his voice.  Mostly, I remember with love and humor and I’m lucky to see him in our children and grandchildren.  My life isn’t like I pictured it when I was young and in love.  It’s not even how I pictured it when I was turning 50, but it’s pretty darn good.  Maybe because I know how loved I’ve been all my life.  But, that crappy word.  What can we do about that?  Or would any word be just as bad?  Just ugly, ugly, ugly!

 

 

 

 

A dear friend and I were talking this morning about how different members of a family see things.  With our old age wisdom we can accept it, but it’s one of those things you learn as you live.  I remember, as an adult, talking to my mother about something that had happened years before and she said, “that’s not what happened, at all,” and proceeded to tell me her version, which was shocking and slightly annoying.  It was interesting to get the different perspective, so I just added to my own memory of the event.

As a mother of four, I became keenly aware of how differently my children saw things.  Each has his or her own personality and ability to process what is going on with their age, position in the family, and accompanying life experience and level of maturity added on to skew the event even more.  A child of ten sees an event differently than a child of fourteen or sixteen and differently than an adult.  I’m assuming everyone figures this out at some time, but it’s always funny or strange to hear someone else tell their version and have it seem so incredibly different from our own.  Sometimes, everyone tells it so much that all the stories become a more cohesive party of family history.

The importance of this is that we all need to respect each other’s truths.  Just because it varies from ours doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.  It’s valid to that person and is how they are processing life and its lessons.  It’s also important for all of us to not only respect but watch for the things that may skew that person’s truth into something far away from how everyone else saw it.  Easier said than done.  We all look back and think we should have seen something that hurt someone or should have been more understanding or even looked at something more broadly ourselves, but it’s always looking back.  And we probably did do the right thing at the time with what we knew then…hopefully.  I even look back sometimes and am sorry I can’t remember a special fun moment better because I just wasn’t paying attention.  That’s another lesson…something that may be memorable to us may be totally forgettable to someone else.

Photos are important to me to jog my memory or to catch an expression later on and wonder what in the world was going through that person’s mind at the time.  I’m going to end with this one of my kids on a probably fun Christmas long ago.  You’d never know it was fun now, would you?  I’m assuming they were annoyed at me for taking one more picture, but who knows?  Regardless, I love them for expressing it rather than giving me a fake smile.  This is so much more true, isn’t it?

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Sixteen years ago today, I became a different person.  I went from mother to grandmother in one second that exploded into years that fill my heart and life.  Sixteen years ago today, my first grandchild was born, followed by another one eleven or so weeks later and another one eight months later and then they kept coming until I now have eight, six boys and two girls.  The first seven are between eleven and sixteen as I write this.  The youngest is three.

But, sixteen years ago, my husband and I entered this new phase with joy and humor and all the anxieties that come with watching your children enter new phases of their lives along with you.  We took the Grandparenting Class at the hospital to refresh our memories and see what was new in the world of babies.  We learned, with amused glances at each other, that we were expected to do things a little differently this time around.  There were car seats to contend with from the moment the baby left the hospital and infant CPR to learn and other things that I’m sure I’ve already forgotten.  We graduated with a certificate that declared us as ready as we could be.

Shopping with my first time mother-to-be was an experience.  In the years since I’d had my children, the baby business had exploded.  I went with her to register at Babies R Us (the name makes this old English major cringe) and was overwhelmed by the aisles of choices to get this little one started.  How did I ever manage in my little duplex right off the college campus when I had my first one, the inexperienced, but very educated, young mother that I was?  Where we had one brand and one size of disposable diapers and only used them when traveling, there was an aisle filled three shelves up on both sides with diapers.  Just disposable diapers.  There were new kinds of diaper pails, which we probably could have done without, but listed anyway, going with the hype.

I used a new kind of baby bottle with my babies, Playtex with disposable liners.  They had those, but there were infinite other kinds.  Where to begin?  There were different styles of binkies, which we called pacifiers and my babies never used.  And accessories for the binkies.  And an aisle of cribs and an aisle of strollers and an aisle of high chairs to match every decor and an aisle of car seats and an aisle of cribs and then there were the crib accessories.  It went on and on and on…I couldn’t even begin to give advice because I had never seen most of these things or never had so many choices.  Besides, most of the things we had so carefully protected our babies with had now been deemed unsafe.  I think a lot of the industry is built on guilt and fear because who doesn’t want their child or grandchild to be as safe as possible?

Then you got to the cute side and all the clothes and toys and you just oohed and ahhed your way through the store, ending up with a long list of what you thought you needed along with all the things that looked so cute you couldn’t resist.  The registry led to baby showers with young mothers and other grandmothers-to-be.  Of all the parties that women have devised, baby showers are about the most fun.  Opening all those gifts with those cute little clothes…it’s our way of playing dolls again.

When the time came, my daughter had read her copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting through and through and was moving on to the next book in that series, leaving me to flip through my old copy of Better Homes & Gardens Baby Book and remembering having to prop it open to follow the pictures on how to bathe a baby when I was starting out.  My mother had done the same with her copy and she stood by me as we both began that journey together all those years ago.  My daughter was induced, which has become pretty common for who knows what reason.  On the morning of the birth, the entire family gathered, except for our son who was away at college.  This was a far cry from our days when nobody was allowed in with the mother and the father sat in the waiting room with the other fathers.  When it was over, he could call the rest of the family from the phone at the hospital.  No cell phones for instant pictures then!

We could all go into the labor/delivery room to visit until closer to the time and my husband and other daughters, both of whom were also pregnant by this time, and I waited with the other grandmother-to-be.  What a difference a generation makes.  My son-in-law was not only allowed in for the delivery, but carried the baby to the nursery.  That was pretty scary since I’m not sure he had ever held a baby, but he did it like he had always known how.  He got to stand there with pride while they weighed this not so little 9 pound 5 ounce boy and we all watched through the window.  By that night, everyone had gathered and we filled the room, baby talk beginning to stream out of our mouths.  How instinctive is that?

They throw the moms out of the hospital as soon as possible these days and they have the babies with them most of the time, so it’s a little bit hectic between the nurses, the visitors, and trying to figure out what is going on with your body.  I was happy to remember my two-five days stays when I had my babies as times I could get some rest and gear up for the rest of my life.  I was visiting the hour that the lactation nurse came to explain breast feeding and I’m sure my son-in-law would have killed to be back at his job at that moment.  It was all my daughter and I could do to keep from giggling as she told her how to stop swelling by plastering her chest with cabbage leaves.  I hadn’t nursed because it was kind of out of fashion at the time I had my first child, but was happy with my choice by the time this nurse got through with us.  I’m all for it, but it was a bit of overkill from an overzealous advocate that day.

The parents were thrown out on their own with this new baby and I spent a lot of time remembering the ropes myself, hoping to be helpful as I remembered what an overwhelming responsibility it is to become a new parent.  Fortunately, it is amazing how quickly you remember how to hold a slippery, wiggly baby.  My mother and I laughed a lot remembering our own adventures and bonded with her new role as great-grandmother.  It was a time of happiness and joy.  What is better than having a little baby snuggled up against you?

By the end of that year, we had three new grandsons and I was well on my way to being known as Mimi as well as Karen (I’m not sure all of my grandkids know my real name even now).

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We had had first trips to the car show, the zoo, the Drillers baseball games, the swimming pool and the pumpkin patch.  Life was changing and repeating itself in the best ways.  It was also teaching us about life and death as my husband was diagnosed with cancer in the middle of this season of births.  He died a week after this oldest grandchild had his first birthday, changing all our lives and teaching us how love heals those losses and life is never-ending cycles.

Once I became a grandparent, grandkids started coming at a fast rate.  Within the next couple of years, there were two more boys…

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Then a girl and a boy.

Grandbabies

Each time there was a birth, the ever increasing family filled more and more of the hospital waiting room, ready to greet the newest addition.  We could all diaper a baby in seconds, had wiped more faces than we could count and the babies probably had to figure out sometimes whether the person holding them was a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle.  They were interchangeable at family gatherings.  And they grew up way too fast.

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Then we had another one.  The only two births I missed being at the hospital for were my two granddaughters.  The first one was born while I was in Seattle with my son as he battled cancer, so we met her together over the computer, laughing at her first hospital picture, and then meeting her in a few days at the airport.  The second one was my son’s daughter, also born in Seattle.  I’d have been there, but we didn’t know when she was coming, so I heard from a text in the middle of the night and saw her first pictures on Facebook the next morning.  Such was the new technology in those fast moving years since the first baby came.

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So, now I have eight wonderful grandkids and each is unique and a delight, just as their parents were.  They teach me so much and keep me up with what is going on in the world and make me feel old and young at the same time.  Following their busy lives, watching them grow into young adults, sharing their mistakes and triumphs, is a blessing beyond words.  I am lucky to have all eight of them here with me.  I make some of their ball games…soccer, football, basketball, baseball…and their assemblies and their confirmations and graduations.  The biggest problem is that they grow at a faster speed than my kids did.  Maybe I’m just on that downhill slide that comes when you go over the hill.  We won’t talk about that.

Sixteen years ago, I started on a new journey with my children, watching them become parents, watching them grow as people, watching them nurture their children through life.  Now we’ve got babies who are taller than their parents but not as smart…yet.  Sometimes I think that watching my own children with their children may be the very best part of it all.  May I live long enough to see my grandchildren with their children and my children become grandparents!  How much love can one family have?  There’s always room for more.

When you’ve had a drought, like we have had lately in Oklahoma, thunder and lightning are a welcome surprise.  My first thoughts this night were how incredible rain must have felt to the people in the Dust Bowl decade plus.  I can’t even imagine living through that time and, having learned about it, now appreciate the rain even more.  Here’s a remnant of a Dust Bowl house I passed in the Oklahoma panhandle, a lonely reminder of those who walked away.

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Tonight, every little drop is a delight and all the songs about rain keep running through my  head.  There’s one that my grandmother used to sing to me, although in the song she changed some of the words a little from the poem I found on the internet.  She sang me songs that must have been old folk songs, passed down through families…

Two little clouds one summer’s day

Went flying through the sky.

They went so fast they bumped their heads,

And both began to cry.

 

Old Father Sun looked out and said,

“Oh, never mind my dears,

I’ll send my little fairy folk

To dry your falling tears.”

 

One fairy came in violet,

And one in indigo,

In blue, green, yellow, orange, red,–

They made a pretty row.

 

They wiped the cloud tears all away,

And then, from out the sky,

Upon a line the sunbeams made

They hung their gowns to dry.

 

There’s Rain, Rain, Go Away…my favorite version other than us singing it as kids is Peter, Paul & Mary blending their incredible voices.  Raindrops keep falling on my head…but I’m snugly inside tonight, not running outside to stomp and splash through the puddles in the summer, coming home soaking wet, like we did as children.  It’s nice to remember times when rain wasn’t just a nuisance, something to escape so you weren’t trapped in traffic, worrying about getting your shoes and clothes wet, trying to keep from catching your death, as they used to say.  Remember the fun times when we walked through it and laughed about it, played in it, rejoiced at dripping our way into the house to get warm and dry.  When do we get too old to stop and look up at the rain and let it hit our faces?  Remember that thrill?

Anyway, tonight is blessed rain to help the farmers, nourish the trees and wash the dust off our winter lives.  March showers bring spring dreams.  When I wake up tomorrow morning, these flowers in the dark will have soaked up the rain and blossomed in all their glory.  Magic Mother Nature.

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There’s a lot of talk these days about our need for more mass transit or rapid transit.  Way back when I was little, the bus was a big part of my life.  Not that I took it all the time, but it was a pretty fun way to travel or get around town.  One of my grandmothers drove a little, around Ardmore, but not on the highway, so she always took the bus to come see us or stay with us while my parents were on a trip.  We would pick her up or drop her off at the bus station.  I loved the bus station when I was little.  It was such an exotic place to go and watch all the people coming and going.  Tulsa had the beautiful Art Deco bus station – and airport – in those days.

Union Bus Terminal Tulsa, OK

Sometimes, I would go home with my grandmother, riding the Greyhound with her all the way to Ardmore, which must have been about a 6 hour drive in those days.  It was fun to sit beside her watching the landscape go by, different than from the back seat of my parents’ car.  As I got older, and I’m talking about 9 or 10, I got to ride the bus by myself.  I would take it to Oklahoma City to see my other grandparents and my cousins.  Once, I took it all the way to Ardmore.  On that trip, my aunt in Oklahoma City met me at the station there and waited with me until it left again for Ardmore.  I remember sitting next to a window, reading a book and looking out the window.  And watching the other people on the bus.  Quite the adventure.

While my grandmother stayed with us, we took the bus downtown.  I think she could have driven my mother’s car, but that was a scary thought for all of us.  She wasn’t the best, an understatement, driver, even in her own car.  She walked a lot at home.  Anyway, we’d walk about two or three blocks to the bus stop and ride downtown to eat and shop at the Kress store, walk around,  look in all the store windows, and come home.  It’s hard to describe how much fun that was.  I guess it was just different than driving downtown with our parents and because she always bought us some little thing at the store.  She didn’t have much money, so it wasn’t much, but it was a treat.  And, we weren’t in any hurry so the waiting and slow pace was nothing to us.

As I got older, my friends and I rode the bus downtown.  I can remember being in Oklahoma City when I was about 12 and going to a movie downtown with my cousin.  My aunt dropped us off and we were to take the bus home.  We got tired of waiting for our bus, so we just took the first one that came along and ended up somewhere other than where we were supposed to be.  On purpose.  Not that we were scared…we often did stupid things together, giggling all the way.  We walked for a long time after getting off the bus and I can’t imagine how we found a phone to call my aunt to come get us when we realized we were probably in trouble.  No cell phones in those days!  My aunt wasn’t too happy with us…giggle, giggle.

As shopping centers popped up and I became a teenager, we began to walk to those places for hanging out with our friends.  Waiting until we could drive cars.  No more buses after that!

It’s been a long time since I’ve taken a city bus in Tulsa.  We’re very much a driving city, which doesn’t help those who can’t afford cars or don’t want the hassle of parking or driving in traffic.  The only thing that will change our driving habits is the cost of cars and gas, although that doesn’t seem to matter to most people. I drive a small car that costs almost as much as my first house.  And it’s a cheap car comparatively…a hybrid.  Getting places quickly is the main issue, I think.  Nobody has or takes the time to wait for a bus… or anything else.  The age of instant gratification extends to getting places, too.

The buses I take these days are mostly charter buses or tour buses or shuttle buses. Taking the bus long distances has the reputation of being dirty and dangerous.  Pretty sad.  Oklahoma State has wonderful buses, the BOB (Big Orange Bus) system, for those who commute to the university in Stillwater.  I rode one with a group and they are plush compared to what I remember.  A comfortable place to study on your way to class down the highway.

I rode the buses a lot in Seattle when I used to visit my son, later son and daughter-in-law, there.  I easily learned the bus routes and loved the ease of jumping on and riding downtown or back rather than fighting that traffic or finding an expensive place to park.  They were colorful trips to say the least.  The diversity of Seattle was seen in force on the buses, a never ending parade of humanity.  I looked forward to it actually.

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I still have a little origami bird that an elderly Chinese man made for me while we rode.  I was sitting across from him, watching him create this little treasure from a piece of newspaper.  I found out later that he was known for riding the buses, giving away his little birds.  He quietly folded the paper, then looked up at me, smiled, and handed me the bird.  Charming!  One of those serendipitous experiences in life that we should treasure!

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I don’t know where the bus system will end up here in Tulsa or if my habits will ever change or have to change.  All I know is riding the bus was a special part of my childhood, one that I wouldn’t trade.  As I sing “The Wheels on the Bus” with my granddaughter, I’m sure what I see in my mind is so different than her vision…the wheels go round and round, round and round, all over town.