Archives for posts with tag: Friends

I graduated from high school 50 years ago. 50 YEARS AGO!!! That’s hard to say, hard to imagine. Really? Where did all that time go? How did it pass so quickly? I was in a great class, a class of about 650 that produced 26 National Merit semi-finalists, had excellent teachers and a whole lot of fun. This week is our reunion, which makes me think about all of our reunions…I’ve been on every committee.

The 10th reunion was in 1973. The committee had to have calling sessions to find everyone, using our high school directory to call parents’ homes, phone directories, information. We sent out newsletters, printed with a fun logo drawn by one of our artist classmates, using the name of the student paper when we were in school. We worked hard to find everyone we could. The excuses for not coming that year were mostly due to lack of funds or having babies, we were in our childbearing years. Actaully, I had just had my third child a few months before – there were many of us with new babies on the committee. We ended up with about 200 attending, including spouses. We had lost some classmates and found out that some of the people we knew really hated high school and never wanted to remember anything. Many came home to see family while they were at the reunion.

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Friday night was the night where you broke the ice, greeted everyone, met their spouses, and caught up on what was going on in their lives. We rocked out to records at the studio where we first took dance lessons. We still knew all the moves.

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We had an Assembly at the school on Saturday. Some of our former teachers attended and we pretty much did a traditional assembly, as I feebly recall.

Saturday night, we dressed to impress and went to the fanciest country club in town. Hairstyles ranged from shags to intricate, high updos. The men had longer hair than when we graduated and mustaches were in. The clothes were loud, the times were fast. We gave awards for who had been married the longest, which went to a classmate who married while we were still in school, most children, most unusual profession (jockey), who traveled the farthest to get there, and best preserved male and female bodies (last time we ever gave that award). We were pretty groovy, dancing to a popular local band, dressed in the latest styles.

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We published a directory after the reunion with all the updated addresses and phone numbers we had found so people could stay in touch.

By our twentieth reunion, we were kind of in a groove. We went through the same steps to find everyone, using printed labels for our mailings. The committee worked long hours, finding we had lost more classmates and couldn’t find others who had moved in the past decade. We were still using our old class directory and the phone to locate everyone. We’d lost more people along the way. The excuses for not coming were jobs, money, small children. We still got about 200 to show up.

The schedule for the 20th was about the same. We were noticing that the girls were becoming women and the guys looked like they were starting to lose their looks, or so we whispered. There were a few new spouses, divorce already beginning to take its toll. The list of deceased was growing. We had an elaborate slide show at our assembly, set to the song “Memories.” Teachers still came to the events and we realized they weren’t as old as they had seemed in high school. We were getting older, heading for middle age. There were those who timidly showed up on Friday, wondering how they’d be received, wondering if they’d know anyone, and left on Saturday feeling part of the group. We started to care less about what had happened in high school, the cliques were beginning to loosen.

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We had a directory and a t-shirt to remember. This time the directory was copies of forms people had sent in with bios and pictures. We were a little more sophisticated these days. Our design was created by one of our classmates who was always an artist, now a professional one.

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By 1993, we were ready for our 30th reunion. We had lost the heart of the reunions, our inspiring leader, and others stepped up to fill his place. The committee meetings were still the most fun, catching up with each other, helping to make the calls to locate classmates. We could still find some through the old class directory, some through calling their friends. We’d lost more in the decade, our list was growing smaller. The excuses for not coming as we approached our 40s were money, children now graduating from school or in school activities, jobs. There were still about 200 there, not even the same 200. We went through the casual evening, the class assembly, the dressy dinner dance. Now people showed up on Friday hoping they’d recognize our rapidly changing faces. We had picture nametags that year. You could see how we looked in high school and look up to see how we looked right then. The women still seemed to be getting better. The men were balding, going gray, more mature, still cute!

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It was fun to see if those class prophecies had come true in any way. Our beauty queens were still beautiful, our jocks were still looking pretty fit, the smartest ones were still smart. But, not everything stays the same, thank goodness. Some of those who had lived too hard were beginning to show it. The guy who got the award at our 10th reunion for cutting the most days of classes our senior year was now president of a bank. One of the smart ones who went to Rice and got an engineering degree had married, divorced, quit big business and gone to Colorado. He was Mayor of Winter Park & loving the mountain life. Never would have dreamed it, but he was happier than ever. And we’d lost more of our favorite classmates along the way. Two of our classmates met for the first time at the reunion and married a year later.

We did another t-shirt and directory, much like the last one. We were beginning to celebrate each other as much as the memories. We were an interesting bunch.

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By the time the 40th reunion rolled around, we were different, the world was much different in 2003 than in 1963, 1973, 1983, 1993. We’d been through Viet Nam, The Beatles, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, the changing of the century, and 9/11. We’d battled divorce, moves, heart attacks, cancer, raising children and becoming grandparents. Some of us were caring for our parents. In fact, the excuses for not coming this time were the most varied yet. There were those with young children because they’d started late or were on a second or more marriage. There were college graduations, jobs, kids, illnesses and parents. We had classmates with AIDS. We were in the Sandwich era of our lives, between our children and our parents. Would there ever be a time that was just about us? We still managed to get about 200 to attend.

Technology was changing faster than we could have imagined and we had the internet. We purchased a website and got it up and running. This would be our last time to do the hours of phone calling. Once we got the information on the site, classmates could keep updating it as we went along, adding bios and pictures, doing the work for us. We didn’t have to do a directory and we didn’t do t-shirts. We were moving with the times.

We hadn’t cut away from the tradition of the casual night, the assembly and the dressy night yet. People still came Friday night, worrying if they would recognize or remember anyone. The pictures were on the name tags again. The Assembly was replaced by a tour of the old school, walks down the halls where some of our classmates could still find their pictures celebrating their athletic achievements. People toured the city to see the changes. We had golf for those who wanted it.

On Saturday night, we were still rocking to the band. The songs were the same, oldies now. Classic oldies…just like us. We made new friends with old classmates we hadn’t known then. Two more classmates married after the reunion. We were valuing these people who had shared our youth with us, who they had been and who they had become.

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This time, we produced a DVD that incorporated all the slides and photos from the past with current interviews. We were changing with the times and shaking our heads at the things that had gone by the wayside.

We had so much fun at the 40th and realized how many people we were losing at a faster rate that we decided to have a mini-reunion – a 45th. We did one casual night, thinking it would be mostly for classmates who lived close by. The band was guys our age, playing our music. Amazingly, 75-80 came from all over the country. It was easy and fun. We were still rocking, still here and breathing! Some could still jump, we looked older and wiser.

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The 50th! Good grief! We have lost so many people over the years, close to 100 that we know about, probably more. The 50th is here. We used the website, mail and email to contact people. We’ve added a Facebook page. This reunion is about celebrating us, celebrating that we are still here. We’ll have 175-200 for this one, some who have never been before. We’ll have larger type on the name tags, but no pictures. Everyone wonders if they’ll recognize anyone or remember anyone. We have two teachers who can come…one is 92 and will speak to our group. The other is not that much older than we are – we were her first pupils out of school.

The excuses this time are children and grandchildren, surgeries, illnesses, money, busy retirement schedules, work schedules and even Japanese Parliament not getting out in time. A former Ambassador to Saudi Arabia is coming in from Dubai. The President of our Student Council and our class Vice-President both have Alzheimer’s. One classmate just had back surgery, several with knee and hip surgeries. Some are hobbling to the reunion however they can. Our will is strong, our bodies starting to need replacement parts. We are distinguished, fun-loving, casual, full of life and representing everything that happens to us in a lifetime.

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This time there is nothing to impress anyone. We’re going to be in the heart of all the happening things in Tulsa right now, right in the middle of the Arts District. We’ll meet early at a bar with a patio and then everyone can do the Art Walk, watch fireworks from the baseball stadium, get a fancy meal, enjoy their special group of friends, or tuck in early. Anyway you want it. Saturday night we meet at historic Cain’s Ballroom for barbecue, wearing comfortable shoes and casual clothes. We have t-shirts again and the band is back from the 45th, classmates of ours, to bring back the oldies. Everyone is excited to see whoever comes. We laugh that we’ll have a whole new group of friends by the end of the weekend. Our Facebook page has 70 members now and is lighting up with excitement and memories. We’ll be there with our cell phones and iPads, today’s brag books of pictures of our beloved children and grandchildren. We’ll share experiences, travel stories, memories. We’ll have our cameras! Our aging Eagles are flying in to celebrate!

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I’ll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, Rock On Class of 1963!

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First there were letters, then the telephone to keep us connected to the family and friends we couldn’t see every day. Amazing how many years those worked for us, isn’t it? It’s astonishing to think about what a short time it’s been. Fifteen years ago, I had a mobile phone – I think it was a bag phone that I kept in the car for special use. I had a computer that was mainly for word processing. I had an answering machine. In my grandchildren’s lifetimes, look what has happened…

I can judge the dates by my life, by what i was using when my husband died fifteen years ago. Since that time, we all began using the internet and email. Bag phones became mobile phones became cell phones became smart phones. Chat rooms became My Space and then Facebook. Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest…it goes on and on. Computers morphed into PCs, Macs and then laptops and iPads/tablets. Texting & messaging. All in such a short time.

Technology changes all the time, faster, faster. Who can keep up with the latest. Look at the 3-D copiers that will change medicine and other things in our lives, especially great for us old people who need replacement parts.

Life is all about change. Some of us do it with more ease, but we all have to deal with it. There are those of all ages who escape to the wilderness or into their own world, trying to ignore all that is happening, but it keeps coming.

At my age, or at any age, there are those who embrace it and those who are perplexed by it. I have 90 year old friends on Facebook and young friends who avoid it. I’m one who loves the new technology. I sometimes find it funny that I spend so little time on the phone when I used to spend hours talking with my friends. Actually, I do spend time on the phone. We don’t talk, but we text, read our Facebook pages, look at photos. When I first had grandchildren, we had brag books. Now we keep our photos on our phones & tablets. Always with us.

Traveling with an iPhone and iPad, or whatever you use, is the best. I love the maps, the camera, having the internet at my fingertips, being able to connect with family and friends from wherever I am. So easy to use that my 3 year old granddaughter and a 90 year old friend use them with ease.

Email, the internet, Facebook – all ways that we find and connect with those from our present and our past. Facebook keeps me in touch with friends and relatives from throughout my life. We share jokes, photos, memories. I keep in touch with my children and grandchildren and their friends and know what they are doing in this fast paced world. I don’t have to use SKYPE or FaceTime since all of my family is near, but it’s a treasure for my friends with family spread out. I don’t have to wait for Christmas letters or even daily letters to see what everyone looks like, how their families are growing, what is happening in their lives.

I look back and remember ways that we kept in touch fondly and regret the things that we no longer have or do, but I rejoice in the things we have now. We can bring our phones with us in remote areas and take pictures that can be instantly shared (if we have coverage). We can take pictures and videos on the spot without lugging lots of equipment with us all the time…it’s important to me to capture moments in time to jog my memory later. I know my family and friends in a different way as we share posts, photos, videos, thoughts. Even my fancier camera connects to all the other gadgets I use to communicate.

There’s always nostalgia for simpler times, but there is also joy in embracing the new and what it can bring us. One of my daughters recently got a message on her phone that mystifies and amuses us. We don’t know how it got there, but it appears to be a message from her brother, my son, from the great whereafter. We choose to just embrace the mystery and smile at the thought that maybe he reached across to her, to us. Who knows what the future will bring? Wouldn’t it be interesting if that bridge to the unknown was crossed?

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Technology is moving fast. It’s fun to try to keep up and even more fun to share each others lives. Time is moving fast…too fast. I’m grateful to be able to share each day with family and friends, old and new. I’m grateful for all the technology that makes it so instant. I’m mostly grateful that I have so many to share with.

We have individual friends and we have groups of friends.  Friends from childhood, from the neighborhood, from church, from work, from all over the place.  Most of us are lucky enough to have several groups of friends and they may come and go through the years.  I have one group that is somewhat unique in that we were elected to be together back in 1987.  A Nominating Committee put us together to serve as officers of the Junior League of Tulsa.  Of course, we knew each other in varying degrees because we’d served on boards and committees together if we didn’t already know each other.  But, I don’t think any of us would have put us together as a group of friends.  We were chosen for our leadership skills and the fact that we could probably work together to lead the membership to meet the goals of the organization.  We were the seven officers.

Times were different when we started meeting.  We were all basically stay-at-home moms, although a couple of us may have been working part time.  We were all married with children and worked full time jobs as volunteers on top of all our home responsibilities.  When I try to explain this to women today, they can’t quite take it in.  We really did get up, get the kids to school, and then meet, often the entire time from 9:30-2:30, when it was time to pick up the kids, get dinners, get them all to lessons, etc.  Sometimes, after dinner, we were back at meetings.  These weren’t trivial meetings…we accomplished things.  On top of these meetings, we were volunteers at our schools and churches and for other organizations.  We were smart women who liked making our world a better place for our families and our communities.  We used to laugh and say that we weren’t trained for anything less than heading corporations with all the leadership skills we’d acquired.

The year we were officers, we started meeting in January to establish what we wanted to accomplish.  We met every Monday, 9:30-2:30, to discuss who we wanted to put in charge of key projects, what our board was going to look like.  We did this all the way through until we were officially in office the end of May.  From May of that year until May of the following year, we met every Monday to see how the various committees were doing and to report to each other.  We took turns feeding each other and we learned about each other’s families.  In between, we met with the committees we liaisoned and the board, advisory board, and other groups from the community.  All this without computers, cell phones, and answering machines.  To say we were bonded by the end of the year was an understatement.  It was an amazing experience, one that we can look back on with extreme pride.  In all the years since, I’ve never had the job satisfaction or the sense of accomplishment I had during those years I spent in Junior League.  We developed projects, raised money, brought community leaders together and manned the projects…making a difference.

Our lives began to change as soon as that year began.  It was just that time in our lives, not particularly because of our volunteer work.  There were marriages that crumbled and careers that opened up.  After our terms, we began to meet every month for breakfast, just to keep up with each other.  Within a few years, all of us had interesting careers, taking us in places we had never dreamed.  Some were forced on us by marriages that left some alone to support and raise children, or marriages that needed more income to get the kids through college, and others were just opportunities that came along.  We  changed to dinners, but we kept meeting.

The short story of this is that we are still meeting…is it 26 years later?  Every month for dinner, although we hope to all get retired and go back to lunches.  Our children are grown, most of us are grandmothers, some are still single, some are remarried, I’m widowed.  We’ve been through every kind of life drama…divorce, marriage, death, illness, and success after success… you can imagine.  We have cried with each other through the worst and laughed a whole lot.    We aren’t a group that is bound by our husbands or kids…we are bound by our respect for each other.  We are always there when we need each other.  We don’t call each other first thing…we have individual friends and family for that…but we know we will always be a huge part of the support system in each other’s lives.

I’m sure that the committee that selected us to be together didn’t know that this would be the outcome, and isn’t it a funny thing to be elected to be friends?  But I wouldn’t trade these women in my life for anything.

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Once a month, I get together with a group of friends for breakfast.  We meet at Caroline’s condo and take turns bringing the food.  This is about more than breakfast, as most gatherings of friends are more about being together.  We started this when my son died and they wanted to be there for me.  We hadn’t been getting together on a regular basis and found we were missing each other, so we made it a regular event.  This is our safe place where we can laugh and cry together.  Sometimes we spend the whole morning on one person’s life crisis, another time we gossip the morning away.  There is always too much to talk about and the rule is that this is a place where you can say anything and it won’t go anywhere else. We laugh until we cry, we cry and hug each other, we pray together, we say horrible things, we worry for each other, and we look forward to the next time.

And, the food is always delicious!  We try recipes, we pamper ourselves with food we wouldn’t fix otherwise.  Even the most routine breakfast is special…maybe because of the company.

I’ve known Caroline since kindergarten, when I was four and she was five.  We were in school all the way through college together – my only friend who shares that distinction.

Tucky and I met when I was 9…we were playing in a golf tournament.

Jeanne was in my 7th grade class (I was 11 at the start of that year) and we went all the way through high school together.

I met Susan when she was in 7th grade and I was in 8th.

Debby was in Susan’s class, but I didn’t get to know her until high school.

Jody and I became friends our sophomore year in college and ended up rooming together our senior year until I got married.

That is a lot of shared history.  We have all married, raised kids, and some of us have grandkids.  Some of us still work.  Only one of us is still married.  Three of us are widows and three are divorced.  One of us has had cancer and I’ve lost my husband and son to that horrible disease.  We’ve helped each other through surgeries, worked together as volunteers, carpooled, partied, and know way too much about each other.

Friends who are your age are different than friends who are younger or older.  You share the same place in the history of the world, you remember the same historical events or events in pop culture from the same age.  You are going through the same body changes.  When you have grown up together, you know the same people, you went to the same events, you listened to the same music, you know each other’s families.  We all need friends from a diversity of ages, but there is something about friends you have known forever that is extremely special.  You know the child in each other that is still underneath the aging skin and the graying (or blonding) hair.  You forgive all the idiosyncrasies and you know where they are coming from.

“Friends are the family we choose.”  I have many groups of friends from different times in my life and all are special.  My Breakfast Club holds a special place in my life, my heart.  Love you girls!