Archives for posts with tag: Friends

First there were letters, then the telephone to keep us connected to the family and friends we couldn’t see every day. Amazing how many years those worked for us, isn’t it? It’s astonishing to think about what a short time it’s been. Fifteen years ago, I had a mobile phone – I think it was a bag phone that I kept in the car for special use. I had a computer that was mainly for word processing. I had an answering machine. In my grandchildren’s lifetimes, look what has happened…

I can judge the dates by my life, by what i was using when my husband died fifteen years ago. Since that time, we all began using the internet and email. Bag phones became mobile phones became cell phones became smart phones. Chat rooms became My Space and then Facebook. Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest…it goes on and on. Computers morphed into PCs, Macs and then laptops and iPads/tablets. Texting & messaging. All in such a short time.

Technology changes all the time, faster, faster. Who can keep up with the latest. Look at the 3-D copiers that will change medicine and other things in our lives, especially great for us old people who need replacement parts.

Life is all about change. Some of us do it with more ease, but we all have to deal with it. There are those of all ages who escape to the wilderness or into their own world, trying to ignore all that is happening, but it keeps coming.

At my age, or at any age, there are those who embrace it and those who are perplexed by it. I have 90 year old friends on Facebook and young friends who avoid it. I’m one who loves the new technology. I sometimes find it funny that I spend so little time on the phone when I used to spend hours talking with my friends. Actually, I do spend time on the phone. We don’t talk, but we text, read our Facebook pages, look at photos. When I first had grandchildren, we had brag books. Now we keep our photos on our phones & tablets. Always with us.

Traveling with an iPhone and iPad, or whatever you use, is the best. I love the maps, the camera, having the internet at my fingertips, being able to connect with family and friends from wherever I am. So easy to use that my 3 year old granddaughter and a 90 year old friend use them with ease.

Email, the internet, Facebook – all ways that we find and connect with those from our present and our past. Facebook keeps me in touch with friends and relatives from throughout my life. We share jokes, photos, memories. I keep in touch with my children and grandchildren and their friends and know what they are doing in this fast paced world. I don’t have to use SKYPE or FaceTime since all of my family is near, but it’s a treasure for my friends with family spread out. I don’t have to wait for Christmas letters or even daily letters to see what everyone looks like, how their families are growing, what is happening in their lives.

I look back and remember ways that we kept in touch fondly and regret the things that we no longer have or do, but I rejoice in the things we have now. We can bring our phones with us in remote areas and take pictures that can be instantly shared (if we have coverage). We can take pictures and videos on the spot without lugging lots of equipment with us all the time…it’s important to me to capture moments in time to jog my memory later. I know my family and friends in a different way as we share posts, photos, videos, thoughts. Even my fancier camera connects to all the other gadgets I use to communicate.

There’s always nostalgia for simpler times, but there is also joy in embracing the new and what it can bring us. One of my daughters recently got a message on her phone that mystifies and amuses us. We don’t know how it got there, but it appears to be a message from her brother, my son, from the great whereafter. We choose to just embrace the mystery and smile at the thought that maybe he reached across to her, to us. Who knows what the future will bring? Wouldn’t it be interesting if that bridge to the unknown was crossed?


Technology is moving fast. It’s fun to try to keep up and even more fun to share each others lives. Time is moving fast…too fast. I’m grateful to be able to share each day with family and friends, old and new. I’m grateful for all the technology that makes it so instant. I’m mostly grateful that I have so many to share with.

We have individual friends and we have groups of friends.  Friends from childhood, from the neighborhood, from church, from work, from all over the place.  Most of us are lucky enough to have several groups of friends and they may come and go through the years.  I have one group that is somewhat unique in that we were elected to be together back in 1987.  A Nominating Committee put us together to serve as officers of the Junior League of Tulsa.  Of course, we knew each other in varying degrees because we’d served on boards and committees together if we didn’t already know each other.  But, I don’t think any of us would have put us together as a group of friends.  We were chosen for our leadership skills and the fact that we could probably work together to lead the membership to meet the goals of the organization.  We were the seven officers.

Times were different when we started meeting.  We were all basically stay-at-home moms, although a couple of us may have been working part time.  We were all married with children and worked full time jobs as volunteers on top of all our home responsibilities.  When I try to explain this to women today, they can’t quite take it in.  We really did get up, get the kids to school, and then meet, often the entire time from 9:30-2:30, when it was time to pick up the kids, get dinners, get them all to lessons, etc.  Sometimes, after dinner, we were back at meetings.  These weren’t trivial meetings…we accomplished things.  On top of these meetings, we were volunteers at our schools and churches and for other organizations.  We were smart women who liked making our world a better place for our families and our communities.  We used to laugh and say that we weren’t trained for anything less than heading corporations with all the leadership skills we’d acquired.

The year we were officers, we started meeting in January to establish what we wanted to accomplish.  We met every Monday, 9:30-2:30, to discuss who we wanted to put in charge of key projects, what our board was going to look like.  We did this all the way through until we were officially in office the end of May.  From May of that year until May of the following year, we met every Monday to see how the various committees were doing and to report to each other.  We took turns feeding each other and we learned about each other’s families.  In between, we met with the committees we liaisoned and the board, advisory board, and other groups from the community.  All this without computers, cell phones, and answering machines.  To say we were bonded by the end of the year was an understatement.  It was an amazing experience, one that we can look back on with extreme pride.  In all the years since, I’ve never had the job satisfaction or the sense of accomplishment I had during those years I spent in Junior League.  We developed projects, raised money, brought community leaders together and manned the projects…making a difference.

Our lives began to change as soon as that year began.  It was just that time in our lives, not particularly because of our volunteer work.  There were marriages that crumbled and careers that opened up.  After our terms, we began to meet every month for breakfast, just to keep up with each other.  Within a few years, all of us had interesting careers, taking us in places we had never dreamed.  Some were forced on us by marriages that left some alone to support and raise children, or marriages that needed more income to get the kids through college, and others were just opportunities that came along.  We  changed to dinners, but we kept meeting.

The short story of this is that we are still meeting…is it 26 years later?  Every month for dinner, although we hope to all get retired and go back to lunches.  Our children are grown, most of us are grandmothers, some are still single, some are remarried, I’m widowed.  We’ve been through every kind of life drama…divorce, marriage, death, illness, and success after success… you can imagine.  We have cried with each other through the worst and laughed a whole lot.    We aren’t a group that is bound by our husbands or kids…we are bound by our respect for each other.  We are always there when we need each other.  We don’t call each other first thing…we have individual friends and family for that…but we know we will always be a huge part of the support system in each other’s lives.

I’m sure that the committee that selected us to be together didn’t know that this would be the outcome, and isn’t it a funny thing to be elected to be friends?  But I wouldn’t trade these women in my life for anything.


Once a month, I get together with a group of friends for breakfast.  We meet at Caroline’s condo and take turns bringing the food.  This is about more than breakfast, as most gatherings of friends are more about being together.  We started this when my son died and they wanted to be there for me.  We hadn’t been getting together on a regular basis and found we were missing each other, so we made it a regular event.  This is our safe place where we can laugh and cry together.  Sometimes we spend the whole morning on one person’s life crisis, another time we gossip the morning away.  There is always too much to talk about and the rule is that this is a place where you can say anything and it won’t go anywhere else. We laugh until we cry, we cry and hug each other, we pray together, we say horrible things, we worry for each other, and we look forward to the next time.

And, the food is always delicious!  We try recipes, we pamper ourselves with food we wouldn’t fix otherwise.  Even the most routine breakfast is special…maybe because of the company.

I’ve known Caroline since kindergarten, when I was four and she was five.  We were in school all the way through college together – my only friend who shares that distinction.

Tucky and I met when I was 9…we were playing in a golf tournament.

Jeanne was in my 7th grade class (I was 11 at the start of that year) and we went all the way through high school together.

I met Susan when she was in 7th grade and I was in 8th.

Debby was in Susan’s class, but I didn’t get to know her until high school.

Jody and I became friends our sophomore year in college and ended up rooming together our senior year until I got married.

That is a lot of shared history.  We have all married, raised kids, and some of us have grandkids.  Some of us still work.  Only one of us is still married.  Three of us are widows and three are divorced.  One of us has had cancer and I’ve lost my husband and son to that horrible disease.  We’ve helped each other through surgeries, worked together as volunteers, carpooled, partied, and know way too much about each other.

Friends who are your age are different than friends who are younger or older.  You share the same place in the history of the world, you remember the same historical events or events in pop culture from the same age.  You are going through the same body changes.  When you have grown up together, you know the same people, you went to the same events, you listened to the same music, you know each other’s families.  We all need friends from a diversity of ages, but there is something about friends you have known forever that is extremely special.  You know the child in each other that is still underneath the aging skin and the graying (or blonding) hair.  You forgive all the idiosyncrasies and you know where they are coming from.

“Friends are the family we choose.”  I have many groups of friends from different times in my life and all are special.  My Breakfast Club holds a special place in my life, my heart.  Love you girls!