Archives for the month of: December, 2012

I believe in Santa.  This is evident as I unpack the 100s of Santas I have in my house today.  As I look at each one, a memory snaps into my mind and I am taken back 10 years, 30 years, 50 or 60  years…

I only have one photo of me as a child with Santa.  My brother and I are visiting him and it’s hard to say what I’m thinking.  I was five years old. But, I do know that I was a little girl who believed all the fairy tales and Santa stories I read.  My friend, Hal Balch, gave me a copy of The Night Before Christmas for my 6th birthday and I still have it.  It was an oversized pop-up book and I saw it (in better condition than mine) on eBay for $350 one time.  I read it to my four kids every year on Christmas Eve.

SANTA

My birthday is in December and I got married on December 23, so December is a month for me to celebrate.  I bought a funny little Santa on sale before I got married and put him on the top of our first Christmas tree, which was right around our first anniversary.  I still put him on my Christmas tree.  I don’t know why I put Santa rather than a star or an angel, but he seemed to fit up there with his funny little smile.

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One year, as a young mother, I read a ladies magazine article on decorating for the holidays and it said to group your collections.  I looked around and saw that I had accumulated a lot of Santas and so it began.  I was a Santa collector.  I know lots of Santa collectors and every one of us has a unique collection.  Some like hand crafted Santas, some collect vintage Santas.  I am beyond eclectic.  I have Santas from everywhere and every price.  Some of my favorites cost a couple of dollars, some are flea market finds, some were created by Santa artists.

The thing about having a lot of Santas, for better or worse, is that people start giving you Santas, especially when your birthday is in December. Some of my favorites are from dear friends and I remember those friendships every Christmas as I pass each funky little guy.

Santas were a fun thing to look for when I traveled.  I have Santa matchbooks from a department store in Paris, and this crazy Santa in a car that I got for $5 on a street in Hong Kong.  What a fun way to remember special trips.

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I found the Santa on the left in a flea market in Vienna and the troll Santa is from Denmark.  I have Lego Santas I got in Switzerland.  I learned how universal my beloved guy is.

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I have Santas from my childhood, with the earliest being the tall skinny one here behind the cow Santa we found in New Orleans.

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When my mother died, I brought these funny little Santas home with me.  I think she got the trees at Neiman Marcus and the Santas probably held candy at one time.  All I know is that they remind me of Christmas at home.

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There are Santas I made…these are needlepoint.

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There are Santas with stories.  One summer, times were rough as they sometimes are in families.  My oldest daughter, my son and I were at the flea market, killing time on a Saturday morning.  We spotted the big vintage lighted Santa face.  I think it was $30 and we had $32.  I asked them what they thought and they both said to get it.  You know what?  Everything got better after we got that Santa.  He is a bright light to remind me that we can always get through life’s ups and downs with love and hope.

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My kids gave me Santas through the years.  I love this one that my son gave me for my birthday the year he was 13.  I always picture him finding it in a craft booth.  Sweet memory.

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My husband gave me Santas.  In 1997, our three daughters each had a son, making us grandparents.  That year, Alan was battling cancer.  He brought me a Waterford Santa for my birthday, a Santa with a little boy in his lap.

My Santas are grouped around the house, all over the house.  There are bathing Santas in the bathroom, Santa bears, Santa rabbits, Santa’s workshops, Santa boxes, sleeping Santas, Santa bells…each with his own story.

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DSC_0019If you have forgotten or never knew the magic of finding presents from Santa, you may not understand.  Even when I knew better, even when I should have been too old to get that excited, I would lie in bed and listen for my parents’ steps as they put out the gifts.  I would lie in bed and wait until all was silent again and sneak to the fireplace to see the Christmas lights and marvel at the gifts.  It didn’t matter what they were – there was something magical about it.  I would go back to bed, lying there basking in the wonder of it all, waiting until my brother and sister got up and we would all go in together.

You can understand when I say I never did have the “Santa discussion” with my kids.  What difference would that have made?  Santa was always going to come to our house.  I may have told them it was up to them whether they wanted to believe or not.  One of my favorite memories was the year my son got a special bike – he may have been 10 or 11.  The kids woke us, way too early, and we all came downstairs together.  I remember him saying, in the most excited voice, “Did you see what I got?  Look at this?”  I was struck with the magic that he was thinking his father and I were as surprised as he was that the bike was there,  I just smiled at him.

It was a shock when I found myself alone on Christmas mornings, but it’s ok and the way the world is supposed to be.  We still have Grand Santa at my house with stockings for everyone.   We’re up to 16 stockings now for my children, their spouses and the grandkids.

When I was in my 20s, I volunteered with a group called Junior Philharmonic and our fundraiser was Santa House.  I worked at it for several years and often dressed as an elf, where I discovered the magic of children who really believed I was an elf!  There’s nothing like looking into the eyes of an innocent two or three year old who thinks you work for the man himself.

1973Years later, I went to work for Philbrook Museum of Art as the Fundraising Events Manager and part of my job was to make sure Santa was at the annual Festival of Trees.  I thought I’d come full circle – back to Santa.  I can truly say that I am a close associate of Santa.  I retired, but it was fun to see my three year old granddaughter trying to take in the fact that Santa was hugging her Mimi.  We’re old friends, I told her.

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So, I sit amongst my collection and drink in the special vibes that the Santas (and other holiday characters and my nativity sets) bring to my holidays.  I remember childhood, friendships, trips and experiences from every decade of my life.  When it’s time to pack them away, I’m always ready because I’ve got to go on to the new year and live it before I bring them out again.

The stories of my Santas are the story of my life.  They represent friendships, groups I’ve worked with, jobs I’ve had, and my family.  When the Santas are packed away, there are other things with other memories that I keep around me.  It’s the clutter of my life that I wade through, knowing that I am lucky to have so much to cherish.

May you celebrate your life this season surrounded by all you love.

Everyone is busy.  Especially at this time of the year.  Busy, Busy, Busy!

Really, I do get it.  There is holiday shopping, holiday parades & visits to Santa, parties, cooking, decorating, sending cards (for those who still do that), wrapping and delivering presents, travel plans, holiday programs and worship services, and then there’s all the regular stuff we do.  Some people are working extra hours or extra jobs.  We’re all busy.  I’m retired and I’m still busy.

But, we get too busy and too tired and we forget what we are busy for.  What are we doing all these things for?  Hopefully, it’s to celebrate a season that was born of love and giving and give back to those we cherish the most.  Or show our caring side for people we don’t even know.

I have several groups of friends and individuals that I get together with on a regular basis.  Some of them have said they are too busy to do it this month – wait until a time when we’re not so stretched.  And I understand and feel the same way sometimes.  I guess I’ve had enough loss in my life…my parents, my husband, my son, friends…to know that we should never put off being with the people we care about most.  There is no certainty in life and there is always change.  I wear myself out with the best of you, but I want to know that I’m worn out because I was working towards what means the most to me.

I want to celebrate this beautiful season with those who make my life so rich.  I want to share my happiness with those less fortunate to pay it forward a little bit.  I don’t want to be too busy.  I need to re-evaulate my priorities and see if all this busyness is taking me away from those who mean the most to me.

Lord, that sounds so idealistic.  Who doesn’t want that?  The best I can do is try to make Busy into a good word, a word that shows I’m trying and I care.  I don’t want to hate being busy because it is what keeps me vital.  I want to be busy and balanced at the same time.

That’s what I want for Christmas!  Balanced busyness!

I’m a confirmed list maker.  I was just looking at my lists…shopping list, To Do list, Ideas for Blog list, Christmas gift list, things to take on a trip list (I don’t have one planned – just a list).  Even my calendar is a kind of list.

When did I start doing this?  Maybe always.  Some of it is because I don’t want to forget something.  That is more important as I get older, although once it’s written down, I remember it most of the time.  Of course, I spend time looking for where I put my cell phone.  I think I only have a land line so I use it to locate my cell phone.

Mostly, I think it’s for the satisfaction of checking things off.  Making sure you remember to do it and then actually doing it is a big deal in life.  Time is my most valuable treasure and I like to use it wisely since my supply is running lower.  It’s not about filling every minute, which just wears you out.  It’s about accomplishing the things that need to be done or you want to be done so that you have all that free time to just fritter away a few hours watching sunsets and grandkids and people or thinking, just thinking.

Does it sound like I’m super organized?  Not so sure about that.  I don’t get everything on those lists done as quickly as I could.  And lists never end – we just keep adding to them.  I do know that I like to look back at each day and know I did something with it.  It’s kind of my mental exercise that keeps me alert and functioning, which is as vital as physical exercise.  Since retirement, I’m aware that I could spend everyday doing one thing without thinking about it.  I could watch TV all day or work on the computer all day or clean or work in the yard all day (well, that’s an exaggeration).  The lists make me get up and do a variety of things.

I could go on and on about my lists…guess I’d better get busy.

Blog.  Check!

The Beatles are forever linked in my memory with my freshman year in college.  I was 17 when I left for Oklahoma State University with very little preconception of what the experience would be.  I picked that school on my own, probably because of friends going there, and was adjusting to all the freedoms and adventures that go with it.  I had never lived anywhere like the dorm with a stranger for a roommate, community bathroom, little privacy, and a whole lot of new and old friends.  In that time, there was a phone in the hall and pay phones on the first floor.  We did have a sink in our room, but no big technology or major appliances other than a lamp, hairdryer, popcorn popper, clock-radio and record player.  Yes, record player.

In November, just as we were settling in, President Kennedy was assassinated.  I can’t tell you what a shock that was to kids away from home who had never felt unsafe before.  I heard about it in badminton class and we sat in shock.  Don’t laugh at the badminton class.  We had to have four gym credits for our well rounded education.  I did quite well in badminton.  Anyway, the assassination made us call home to check in with our parents, stay up late discussing it with our very new friends, and watch it over and over on the television set in the basement of the dorm. Our world had changed forever.  Looking back, everything changed that day in ways that became more pronounced every year since.  From a life of innocence and tranquility (at least to us), every year brought more violence, more disruption.  Nothing was ever the same.

After the holidays, we heard about a new musical group that was going to be on Ed Sullivan.  I think I read in the paper about The Beatles and the uproar they were causing in England.  The only thing close in our lifetime was Elvis, but we had been younger when he was starting out.  The boys we knew had crew cuts, the Twist had been popular the year before, and we had embraced folk music, listening to the Kingston Trio, Peter Paul & Mary, Joan Baez.  We went from coffee shop to rock and roll.  The Beatles came at a good time.  We needed a pick me up after the darkness of fall.

On the Sunday of that Ed Sullivan show in February, someone brought a portable TV from home.  The closest station was out of Oklahoma City, so we balanced the set on the window sill of a fourth floor dormer window and wrapped the antenna with foil for better reception on that tiny screen.  All the girls who could cram in that dorm room, girls from towns of a few hundred to girls from the cities, were waiting to see.  Our first view brought exclamations.  Their hair was long!  I remember commenting it looked cute.  We all thought they were cute…wonder what the guys who were watching thought that night?  And there was the music and the girls in the audience screaming and the boys singing to that seemingly simple beat.  We loved it.  We somehow knew that this was another historic night, another milestone we would talk about in terms of where we were when we first heard them.

Could two events be so different and so important in such different ways?  That was the year I went from being 17 to 18.  That was a year to remember and learn from.  My freshman year in college was an education of a different kind it turned out.  I remember it well.

Happy Birthday to me!

I’m feeling pretty young for my age, pretty sharp, pretty healthy and very loved, so that makes it a good thing.  I’ve gotten cards and calls and texts and emails and Facebook messages and posts from so many people.  I DO love the ease of technology and know that it is every bit as sincere as the old ways because I do it myself.

The day was quiet since this isn’t a momentous number for me and everyone is busy, busy, busy.  And that’s fine.  I took a walk on a unseasonably warm morning and spent the afternoon with my 3 year old granddaughter at the Oklahoma Centennial Botanical Gardens, walking again in the bright Oklahoma sunshine.  One thing I’ve learned is that birthdays tend to go on and on these days.  I had a birthday dinner with a friend on Friday and will have another one or two along the way.  There are brunches and lunches and dinners with family and friends and those are as much fun as one day of celebrating.

The main thing is that a birthday is a time that we count our blessings in years, in family and friendships, in health, in love, in memories and lessons learned.  It’s our special day to focus on our own life with all its ebbs and flows and toast ourself for making it this far.

And hope we make it to the next one, celebrating each day all the way.

Cheers!

My four children all attended Barnard Elementary School, starting with my oldest entering 2nd grade in 1975 and ending when my youngest graduated from 5th grade in 1988.  It was a major place in our lives, leaving us with lifelong lessons, memories, and friendships.  The school was opened in 1929, the wall was a WPA project.  By the time my family got there, it was a thriving neighborhood school, populated with children from diverse incomes.  From the moment I stepped through that entry, I felt my children were in a safe place.  There was something about those older schools that envelops you with a sense of strength and history and security.

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As a parent, I was involved as much as I could be.  I was a Junior Great Books leader for 12 years, leading groups of children through interpretive readings of classic stories during their lunch hour or before school.  It may be the best use of my English degree I have ever had.  I was a homeroom mother, bringing homemade cookies for parties, helping the teacher with details.  Today, homemade cookies aren’t allowed, but the mothers of my day would have been teased if we brought store bought packages or bakery goods.  It was homemade all the way.  When the weather got too hot and the kids were sweating in the un-airconditioned classrooms, we bought popcicles and sold them to the kids for a quarter.

I helped with anything they needed me for.  I remember enrolling kindergarteners the years the churches were sponsoring Vietnamese families and watched as the new students, who couldn’t speak English, lined up in wonderment in our place that was so comfortable to us and so foreign to them.  Now there were kids with Asian sounding names in the classes, kids who learned quickly and adapted to a new life more easily thanks to the kindness of Americans and the nurturing atmosphere in our school.

I worked on the fundraising events.  We did the first J0g-a-Thons, sold t-shirts, sweatshirts and visors.  We had school carnivals and bingo.  The best one was the year Gailard Sartain, the great actor who works in Hollywood and lives in Tulsa, called bingo.  His daughter was a student and he gladly volunteered when we asked.  He was so funny that parents were lined up around the room, filling the doorway to watch him in action in the cafeteria.

We decided to invest in a popcorn machine and sell bags of popcorn to the kids after school for a quarter.  I think the machine cost $200 and we had it paid for in a couple of weeks.  Popcorn day was one of the kid favorites and I spent many an afternoon with my friends pouring that nasty popcorn oil and measuring out bags for the kids before the final bell and the rush of little grubby kids, quarters in hand, smiles on their faces.  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

We used our money to give the teachers extras funds for supplies for their rooms, we purchased the Big Toy for the playground and the fathers gathered on a weekend to assemble it.  We purchased the first computers for the school.  I remember volunteering to work in the computer lab, at a time when nobody had a personal computer but knew they were coming, and thinking that I could surely learn this new technology if the kindergarteners could.  And I learned along with them.

The auditorium/gym was the place for assemblies, meetings and performances.  We were charmed with the poetry contests that Sharon Atcheson created.  Watching the children recite poems of their choice was an incredible learning and performing experience for all of them.  There were coveted prizes and the students worked hard on their pieces.  I bet many of them still remember the poems they recited.  We watched talent shows and plays…I’m remembering Kerry and her friends performing Uptown Girl and Clayton and his friend in A Christmas Carol.  There were so many performances.  The Spring Sing focused on the incredible musical knowledge and abilities that flourished in all the children under John Townsend.  The awards assemblies awarded the students with a portfolio of certificates for good behavior, perfect attendance, best in math and on and on.  My mother won the grandparent award for several years as she had seven grandchildren at Barnard.  It tickled her …she always said it was the only award given for her children being prolific.

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The gym/auditorium was where we had scout meetings, PTA meetings.  I remember standing before the group of parents, giving various reports.  I remember my husband as Pack Leader for the Cub Scouts and pinning my son’s Bobcat pin on him as he was held upside down (Men must have thought up that one).  All in that auditorium…

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The year I was PTA President, I spent more time than usual at the school, often in Pat Randall’s office.  She was the Principal, an African American woman who was my age and became a dear friend.  I’d held various positions on the PTA Board, but this one was special.  I already knew the teachers and had spent time in the school, but what I learned as President was a life lesson in what advocacy means.  The most special schools are usually that way because of parent involvement – no secret in that.  What I watched and dealt with along with Pat, were the various ways that involvement manifests itself.  There are parents who think their child is always right, no matter what.  It doesn’t matter that the child is…shall we say a brat?  The parents will stand up for him/her.  There are parents who don’t want to hear anything, good or bad, about their child.  And, I learned, it is the rare parent who understands the difference between what may be right for his or her child and what may be best for the entire student body or the school system, seeing the big picture.  In the end, it is usually those who can see the Big Picture who understand all the complexities and know that what is best for the most students may be the best for their child, too.  Of course, there are various circumstances and every child needs an advocate.  God Bless our teachers!  I bet my kids could name them all…Marilyn Tomlin, Laurice Nesser, Anne Erker…the list of great teachers who taught and influenced my children and so many others.

Barnard 5th grade - 1987-1988 - Clayton Fraser in back row - 8th from right

The many hours I spent carpooling, sitting in front and back of the school while I let out children or waited for them are fastened in my mind.  Those were the quiet moments of motherhood, when you watched your children leave you to be influenced by others in the world and then waited for them to return to you, full of stories of accomplishments and disappointments.  Those quiet moments while I sat parked were times when I visited with my dear friends who were also waiting, or contemplated what I would fix for dinner or which carpools needed to be driven after school.  The friendships I developed with the other parents and the teachers are some of the most precious.  Those were good years, happy years.

Barnard closed at the end of the school year in May 2011 and I walked the halls for the last time.  The school looked just as strong as it had the day I first entered it.  There were a few improvements, but the old school was looking good.  I was so proud of my family’s time there and so warmed by the memories.  They left that school with good educations, prepared for the next step.  I have always said that I felt like I was throwing my children to the wolves when they left the security of Barnard and had to go to the wildness that is junior high/middle school (the change from junior high to middle schools was made between my 2nd & 3rd child’s graduation from Barnard).

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We had waited with a mixture of curiosity and protectiveness to see what the schools would do with Barnard.  They treated the school with reverence for its former patrons and its history and moved the Tulsa School of Arts and Sciences there this past fall, a relief and a source of pride for all.  Then the unimaginable happened.  On September 5, a fire broke out in the early hours, a flash from a newly installed vent, and the school went up in flames, entirely destroyed.  I watched the news reports showing the explosions as the classrooms exploded with a sinking heart.   A friend, another former PTA President, texted me from the site that day, saying she was standing across the street, bawling.  I drove by recently several times as they were tearing the ruins down until there is nothing but a flat lot left.  The entry pieces were given to the Tulsa Historical Society.  Yesterday, I purchased 10 of the final 800 bricks they placed on sale.  As I approached, an elderly lady was leaving with one brick in the basket of her walker.  There was a parade of mourners, picking up the scorched, scarred, chipped bricks that are all that is physically left for us to hold and touch from that incredible house of education, memories, friendships and love.

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Thank you to all who taught or studied and played or volunteered in that building…Barnard is a special place for us all.

P. S.  For more memories and history of Barnard, read Jeremy Bailey’s article in the December 1, 2012 issue of This Land.