Archives for category: Reflections

All the news about examples of racism and prejudice make me sad.  Where do people who claim to be Christians get this hatred?  I thought the message was about love.  I’m reminded of the song from the musical, South Pacific, “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught:”

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

And the song that I learned as a small child rings in my ears:

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

All people want what is best for their children.  Skin color or religious belief doesn’t change that.  And we’re all someone’s child. ‘Tis the season to spread a universal message.  Love one another.

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No applause, please, but I did the Jingle Bell 5K Run/Walk today.  It was my first run/walk…let’s just call it a walk.  I hate to run and always have, but I love to walk. I had no problem walking 5K (3.1 miles) and really didn’t even feel it.  I could have gone faster or further, but I chose to just walk a steady pace rather than setting a personal best.  I was setting a personal best just by being there.

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My 11 year old grandson, Marc, went with me.  He’s a runner so I told him to go ahead, but he chose to walk with me.  I was there for the experience and it was fun to have company.

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First of all, I love the fact that people make these kind of events into an opportunity to dress up and be funny.  The whole atmosphere was holiday festive with accessories ranging from hats (we wore Santa hats), to elaborate costumes worn by entire groups.

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I was surprised by the number of dogs, most for the 1 mile Fun Run, although I don’t know why.  People love to take their dogs with them. There was a group of German Shepherd owners with some beautiful animals, and the other dogs ranged from small to large, wearing bows, bandanas and full costumes.

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There were families and clubs and sororities and church groups and friends who made it an excuse to get together for the morning.  They wore matching tee shirts or costumes.

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I love the women who ran in long skirts.  Were they Amish, Mennonite, what?

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I love the Santa pushing the stroller.  Wonder what his little one thought?  Especially when Santa quit pushing and started running beside him.

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It was fun to watch the crowd gather and then head out to the tall buildings of Tulsa.  Marc kept looking up and I realized he wasn’t used to walking downtown.  It was an opportunity for me to tell stories of my childhood, coming to movies & shopping downtown.  He couldn’t believe there used to be movie palaces downtown.  I pointed out places along the way  that he might not have noticed.

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We didn’t break any records, in fact we walked slower than I usually do.  Maybe it was all the people watching we were doing or talking to Marc or taking pictures or just enjoying the whole experience.  We crossed the Finish Line and then went to get coneys.  I’d say it was a good morning.

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Everyone is busy.  Especially at this time of the year.  Busy, Busy, Busy!

Really, I do get it.  There is holiday shopping, holiday parades & visits to Santa, parties, cooking, decorating, sending cards (for those who still do that), wrapping and delivering presents, travel plans, holiday programs and worship services, and then there’s all the regular stuff we do.  Some people are working extra hours or extra jobs.  We’re all busy.  I’m retired and I’m still busy.

But, we get too busy and too tired and we forget what we are busy for.  What are we doing all these things for?  Hopefully, it’s to celebrate a season that was born of love and giving and give back to those we cherish the most.  Or show our caring side for people we don’t even know.

I have several groups of friends and individuals that I get together with on a regular basis.  Some of them have said they are too busy to do it this month – wait until a time when we’re not so stretched.  And I understand and feel the same way sometimes.  I guess I’ve had enough loss in my life…my parents, my husband, my son, friends…to know that we should never put off being with the people we care about most.  There is no certainty in life and there is always change.  I wear myself out with the best of you, but I want to know that I’m worn out because I was working towards what means the most to me.

I want to celebrate this beautiful season with those who make my life so rich.  I want to share my happiness with those less fortunate to pay it forward a little bit.  I don’t want to be too busy.  I need to re-evaulate my priorities and see if all this busyness is taking me away from those who mean the most to me.

Lord, that sounds so idealistic.  Who doesn’t want that?  The best I can do is try to make Busy into a good word, a word that shows I’m trying and I care.  I don’t want to hate being busy because it is what keeps me vital.  I want to be busy and balanced at the same time.

That’s what I want for Christmas!  Balanced busyness!

I’m a confirmed list maker.  I was just looking at my lists…shopping list, To Do list, Ideas for Blog list, Christmas gift list, things to take on a trip list (I don’t have one planned – just a list).  Even my calendar is a kind of list.

When did I start doing this?  Maybe always.  Some of it is because I don’t want to forget something.  That is more important as I get older, although once it’s written down, I remember it most of the time.  Of course, I spend time looking for where I put my cell phone.  I think I only have a land line so I use it to locate my cell phone.

Mostly, I think it’s for the satisfaction of checking things off.  Making sure you remember to do it and then actually doing it is a big deal in life.  Time is my most valuable treasure and I like to use it wisely since my supply is running lower.  It’s not about filling every minute, which just wears you out.  It’s about accomplishing the things that need to be done or you want to be done so that you have all that free time to just fritter away a few hours watching sunsets and grandkids and people or thinking, just thinking.

Does it sound like I’m super organized?  Not so sure about that.  I don’t get everything on those lists done as quickly as I could.  And lists never end – we just keep adding to them.  I do know that I like to look back at each day and know I did something with it.  It’s kind of my mental exercise that keeps me alert and functioning, which is as vital as physical exercise.  Since retirement, I’m aware that I could spend everyday doing one thing without thinking about it.  I could watch TV all day or work on the computer all day or clean or work in the yard all day (well, that’s an exaggeration).  The lists make me get up and do a variety of things.

I could go on and on about my lists…guess I’d better get busy.

Blog.  Check!

Happy Birthday to me!

I’m feeling pretty young for my age, pretty sharp, pretty healthy and very loved, so that makes it a good thing.  I’ve gotten cards and calls and texts and emails and Facebook messages and posts from so many people.  I DO love the ease of technology and know that it is every bit as sincere as the old ways because I do it myself.

The day was quiet since this isn’t a momentous number for me and everyone is busy, busy, busy.  And that’s fine.  I took a walk on a unseasonably warm morning and spent the afternoon with my 3 year old granddaughter at the Oklahoma Centennial Botanical Gardens, walking again in the bright Oklahoma sunshine.  One thing I’ve learned is that birthdays tend to go on and on these days.  I had a birthday dinner with a friend on Friday and will have another one or two along the way.  There are brunches and lunches and dinners with family and friends and those are as much fun as one day of celebrating.

The main thing is that a birthday is a time that we count our blessings in years, in family and friendships, in health, in love, in memories and lessons learned.  It’s our special day to focus on our own life with all its ebbs and flows and toast ourself for making it this far.

And hope we make it to the next one, celebrating each day all the way.

Cheers!

My four children all attended Barnard Elementary School, starting with my oldest entering 2nd grade in 1975 and ending when my youngest graduated from 5th grade in 1988.  It was a major place in our lives, leaving us with lifelong lessons, memories, and friendships.  The school was opened in 1929, the wall was a WPA project.  By the time my family got there, it was a thriving neighborhood school, populated with children from diverse incomes.  From the moment I stepped through that entry, I felt my children were in a safe place.  There was something about those older schools that envelops you with a sense of strength and history and security.

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As a parent, I was involved as much as I could be.  I was a Junior Great Books leader for 12 years, leading groups of children through interpretive readings of classic stories during their lunch hour or before school.  It may be the best use of my English degree I have ever had.  I was a homeroom mother, bringing homemade cookies for parties, helping the teacher with details.  Today, homemade cookies aren’t allowed, but the mothers of my day would have been teased if we brought store bought packages or bakery goods.  It was homemade all the way.  When the weather got too hot and the kids were sweating in the un-airconditioned classrooms, we bought popcicles and sold them to the kids for a quarter.

I helped with anything they needed me for.  I remember enrolling kindergarteners the years the churches were sponsoring Vietnamese families and watched as the new students, who couldn’t speak English, lined up in wonderment in our place that was so comfortable to us and so foreign to them.  Now there were kids with Asian sounding names in the classes, kids who learned quickly and adapted to a new life more easily thanks to the kindness of Americans and the nurturing atmosphere in our school.

I worked on the fundraising events.  We did the first J0g-a-Thons, sold t-shirts, sweatshirts and visors.  We had school carnivals and bingo.  The best one was the year Gailard Sartain, the great actor who works in Hollywood and lives in Tulsa, called bingo.  His daughter was a student and he gladly volunteered when we asked.  He was so funny that parents were lined up around the room, filling the doorway to watch him in action in the cafeteria.

We decided to invest in a popcorn machine and sell bags of popcorn to the kids after school for a quarter.  I think the machine cost $200 and we had it paid for in a couple of weeks.  Popcorn day was one of the kid favorites and I spent many an afternoon with my friends pouring that nasty popcorn oil and measuring out bags for the kids before the final bell and the rush of little grubby kids, quarters in hand, smiles on their faces.  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

We used our money to give the teachers extras funds for supplies for their rooms, we purchased the Big Toy for the playground and the fathers gathered on a weekend to assemble it.  We purchased the first computers for the school.  I remember volunteering to work in the computer lab, at a time when nobody had a personal computer but knew they were coming, and thinking that I could surely learn this new technology if the kindergarteners could.  And I learned along with them.

The auditorium/gym was the place for assemblies, meetings and performances.  We were charmed with the poetry contests that Sharon Atcheson created.  Watching the children recite poems of their choice was an incredible learning and performing experience for all of them.  There were coveted prizes and the students worked hard on their pieces.  I bet many of them still remember the poems they recited.  We watched talent shows and plays…I’m remembering Kerry and her friends performing Uptown Girl and Clayton and his friend in A Christmas Carol.  There were so many performances.  The Spring Sing focused on the incredible musical knowledge and abilities that flourished in all the children under John Townsend.  The awards assemblies awarded the students with a portfolio of certificates for good behavior, perfect attendance, best in math and on and on.  My mother won the grandparent award for several years as she had seven grandchildren at Barnard.  It tickled her …she always said it was the only award given for her children being prolific.

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The gym/auditorium was where we had scout meetings, PTA meetings.  I remember standing before the group of parents, giving various reports.  I remember my husband as Pack Leader for the Cub Scouts and pinning my son’s Bobcat pin on him as he was held upside down (Men must have thought up that one).  All in that auditorium…

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The year I was PTA President, I spent more time than usual at the school, often in Pat Randall’s office.  She was the Principal, an African American woman who was my age and became a dear friend.  I’d held various positions on the PTA Board, but this one was special.  I already knew the teachers and had spent time in the school, but what I learned as President was a life lesson in what advocacy means.  The most special schools are usually that way because of parent involvement – no secret in that.  What I watched and dealt with along with Pat, were the various ways that involvement manifests itself.  There are parents who think their child is always right, no matter what.  It doesn’t matter that the child is…shall we say a brat?  The parents will stand up for him/her.  There are parents who don’t want to hear anything, good or bad, about their child.  And, I learned, it is the rare parent who understands the difference between what may be right for his or her child and what may be best for the entire student body or the school system, seeing the big picture.  In the end, it is usually those who can see the Big Picture who understand all the complexities and know that what is best for the most students may be the best for their child, too.  Of course, there are various circumstances and every child needs an advocate.  God Bless our teachers!  I bet my kids could name them all…Marilyn Tomlin, Laurice Nesser, Anne Erker…the list of great teachers who taught and influenced my children and so many others.

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The many hours I spent carpooling, sitting in front and back of the school while I let out children or waited for them are fastened in my mind.  Those were the quiet moments of motherhood, when you watched your children leave you to be influenced by others in the world and then waited for them to return to you, full of stories of accomplishments and disappointments.  Those quiet moments while I sat parked were times when I visited with my dear friends who were also waiting, or contemplated what I would fix for dinner or which carpools needed to be driven after school.  The friendships I developed with the other parents and the teachers are some of the most precious.  Those were good years, happy years.

Barnard closed at the end of the school year in May 2011 and I walked the halls for the last time.  The school looked just as strong as it had the day I first entered it.  There were a few improvements, but the old school was looking good.  I was so proud of my family’s time there and so warmed by the memories.  They left that school with good educations, prepared for the next step.  I have always said that I felt like I was throwing my children to the wolves when they left the security of Barnard and had to go to the wildness that is junior high/middle school (the change from junior high to middle schools was made between my 2nd & 3rd child’s graduation from Barnard).

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We had waited with a mixture of curiosity and protectiveness to see what the schools would do with Barnard.  They treated the school with reverence for its former patrons and its history and moved the Tulsa School of Arts and Sciences there this past fall, a relief and a source of pride for all.  Then the unimaginable happened.  On September 5, a fire broke out in the early hours, a flash from a newly installed vent, and the school went up in flames, entirely destroyed.  I watched the news reports showing the explosions as the classrooms exploded with a sinking heart.   A friend, another former PTA President, texted me from the site that day, saying she was standing across the street, bawling.  I drove by recently several times as they were tearing the ruins down until there is nothing but a flat lot left.  The entry pieces were given to the Tulsa Historical Society.  Yesterday, I purchased 10 of the final 800 bricks they placed on sale.  As I approached, an elderly lady was leaving with one brick in the basket of her walker.  There was a parade of mourners, picking up the scorched, scarred, chipped bricks that are all that is physically left for us to hold and touch from that incredible house of education, memories, friendships and love.

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Thank you to all who taught or studied and played or volunteered in that building…Barnard is a special place for us all.

P. S.  For more memories and history of Barnard, read Jeremy Bailey’s article in the December 1, 2012 issue of This Land.

OK.  I bought my Powerball tickets today.  It was up to $550 million a couple of hours ago.  I figure it’s a harmless way to spend the day…waiting for the winning numbers and dreaming of how you would handle such a windfall.  I didn’t spend the grocery money, so it’s just for fun.  Here’s what I’m planning at the moment:

Where do you go to claim the prizes?  I have no idea, so I’ll have to find that out first.

I’ll have to meet with people who can help me figure out how to get it safely invested as soon as possible.  Don’t want it stuffed in the mattress or buried in the back yard.

I’ll set up trusts for all my kids and grandkids so they don’t have to worry.  I want the kids to get to go to college but I don’t want to hand them money until they’re capable of the responsibilities.  Have to manage that part well.

I’ll set up a foundation to give away a nice portion of the money.  I’ll have to figure out the criteria as I have lots of groups I like to help.  Hopefully, there will be enough to endow it for a long time.  I’ll make some generous outright donations right away.  I’ll get the family involved in the foundation so they can share the joy of giving back.

I’ve got some friends who need help and I’ll do that.  How could I enjoy helping strangers when I know so many personally who can use a hand up?

There’ll be some left for me to play with, I hope.  I’ll hit that bucket list of places I’d like to see, take the kids on some trips.  I can’t think of anything I need to buy for myself as far as luxuries.  I’m kind of beyond that and I can’t think of any big dollar things I need or want.

Mostly, I’ll enjoy watching people’s lives made easier because of it, people I know and love and those I’ll never meet.

Enough daydreaming.  I’ll post the picture of me with the winning numbers later…

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I retired a little over two months ago, knowing there would be other things in my future but not in any rush to get to them.  Here’s what I’ve found out about retirement so far:

My days are full.  They say you always wonder how you ever had time to work and that’s true.  I’ve thought about it and decided that you just slow down.  There’s no rush to get things done, so you don’t.  I try to accomplish things every day, although there have been a couple I’ve piddled away.

The options are endless.  I make lists of all the things I want to do so I don’t forget.  Tasks around the house, day trips, long trips, people to call, things to read and make, physical activities.  Endless.

The future is shorter.  Retiring means you have to face that your time ahead is limited and figure out how you want to make the best of it.  Of course, none of us know how long our life will be, but this is kind of a major reminder.  Yikes!

You slow down.  I’m not one known for doing things slowly, but you have the time to appreciate and look around you.  I still have to make myself slow down, but I’m taking more time enjoying…

If you weren’t a manager before, you become one.  Do you want to outlive your money or have enough to leave to someone?  There are daily decisions to be made.  That part is scary sometimes.

There are people in your life who need you and you have more time for them.  Or you have fewer excuses for doing what you should have been doing.

Your health becomes a priority.  While looking at this vast unknown expanse before you, you want to make it across with a bit of youth in your step and a twinkle in your eye.  This takes more effort all the time.  Your mind may be sharp and your body wearing out.  Or your body may be fit and your thoughts a little dimmer.  It’s a job to keep it all together even if you’ve been diligent all your life.  Some of my fittest friends are replacing parts or dealing with health issues they never imagined.  Old age is definitely not for the meek when it comes to dealing with anything in the health system.

It’s fun and freeing.  When you’re working, you’re working.  When you’re not, you can take the time to see what else is out there and find the ways you can take all those talents and all that wisdom you’ve accumulated and create a new path.  It may be volunteering, it may be a new career, it may be a combination of a lot of things.  Time to get creative.

Oh, I know people who retired and never did anything they planned.  They kept meaning to get to it and didn’t, which is a tragedy, truly, a waste of time.

Me?  I’m overwhelmed at all there is out there.  I’m grateful I can have the choices.  I’m enjoying the adventure.  Just give me time…

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My guess is that my first acknowledgement of the Dust Bowl was seeing the painting, Mother Earth Laid Bare, by Alexandre Hogue at Philbrook when  I was very young.  It moved me.  It has always been my favorite painting at the museum, maybe because it tells a story in such a graphic image.  I am an Oklahoman, so I know about the Dust Bowl.  Sort of.  I knew Okie wasn’t a term we liked until Governor Bartlett used it as a tool to boost the state’s image.  I used to take Okie pins with me to Europe to give the people I met.  I’d read The Grapes of Wrath and seen the movie, although that story wasn’t really about the Dust Bowl itself.

A few years ago, I read Timothy Egan’s book, The Worst Hard Time, a brilliant accounting of the Dust Bowl that made me really want to understand what happened.  I’ve travelled through the Texas and Oklahoma panhandles, driving through Boise City, OK and Dalhart, TX, two of the worst hit places.  I’ve been through eastern New Mexico, eastern Colorado, western Kansas and western Nebraska, seeing those great plains.  I’ve driven through the tall grass prairie to see what the land was like before the ravaging of the plains through greed and ignorance of what we can do to the land.  I watched a documentary called , Black Blizzards, which featured Tim Egan and visualized much of what he had written.  I’ve studied Woody Guthrie and his music which captured the times so brilliantly.  Ken Burn’s recent series, The Dust Bowl, incorporated all of this information and introduced me to Caroline Henderson, a college educated homesteader, who stuck it out, never gave up, and left us her letters and articles about her life.

I’ve always been interested in the women of the west.  Many of them were perfectly happy where they were, close to family and friends, but went along to share the adventures with husbands following a dream.  Some wanted adventure, some had dreams of their own, some wanted to escape lives in the east.  I think the fascination is in imagining what I would have done if I were in that place and time.  A friend of mine says she knows she never would have gotten past St. Louis.  The people who settled in the Dust Bowl area wanted their own piece of land, an independent sort who didn’t want the confines of the city and loved the wide open spaces they found.  The dreams became reality and times were good and then they went bad, really bad, for a decade.  Ten years of a combination of the Depression, drought, and floods of dust, year after year after year.

What would I have done?  Would I have left right off the bat, walked away from the home I built with my own hands, the land I’d tilled myself?  What would I do when my children were coughing up dust and there was no milk or food or crops?  What would I do when I’d waited so long that there was nowhere to go…no jobs, no money for gas to leave, nothing left to sell and nobody to buy it if there was anything.  What would I do?  Would I be stubborn, full of hope, or let it get me down?  How much courage did it take to leave?  How much courage did it take to stay?

Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done.  I guess all we can do while looking back is learn from the stories and hope that we would have the courage they had to keep on living in desperate times.  And I can be extra thankful and appreciative of all that I have today.

The trouble with all the fairy tales I read and watched growing up is that I believed them.  My prince would come and we would live happily ever after.  I found my version of the prince and we did live happily ever after until we had to stop living that chapter and I accept that. What I can’t accept or believe is that I don’t have an army of magical helpers when I start to clean the house.

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Where are those cute little birds and chipmunks and mice that whip their tails and brush away the dust and scrub the dishes and do the laundry?  I’ve got three dogs and two cats who are sitting here looking at me while I pick up the dust balls of hair they leave all over the place.  Where is that magic wand that will transform them?

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Oh well, I’m procrastinating and daydreaming and dilly dallying and it’s two days until Thanksgiving.  The things I can come up with to get out of this are infinite, starting with writing, but the dirt is still there.  I don’t even have that silly work excuse this year.

Sigh…where is my fairy godmother?