Ten good – great – things about Facebook

February 15, 2014 //

I was amused, and slightly annoyed, listening to someone bash Facebook, calling it a complete waste of time. I understand that not everybody likes everything in the modern world, including television, movies, email, computers, smart phones, etc., but there are those of us of all ages who embrace every bit of it. So, this is my rebuttal on Facebook, in no particular order of importance.

1. The photos. It has replaced the brag book for parents and grandparents. When I first became a grandmother, we all carried books of photos in our purses, which quickly became obsolete as the babies grew up so fast. Now, we all see everything in our friends’ family lives. If you don’t want to see it, don’t look, but the rest of us are delighted to share the greatest of happiness with you. And, use the privacy settings if you don’t want everyone in the world to see them.

2. More photos. I love the travel photos, which give me new places to dream about, and the everyday photos, which take me with you. I love the weather photos, the food and coffee photos, and any photo you share! Again, if this isn’t your thing, don’t look. Scroll down for something else.

3. The videos. I love seeing what videos amused you or moved you, or seeing videos of your baby’s first steps. It saves me going to YouTube to search for them myself and I get an inkling of your sense of humor or your compassion or your life.

4. My own group of friends all in one place, sharing together. I am happy to have friends of all ages, from my grandchildren to elderly friends on Facebook. There are friends from various places I have been, friends from previous jobs, friends from school, which was a long time ago, old friends and new friends, friends of my children, and mere acquaintances. I get to choose which ones are there. And, I like that I can sort them out into groups and see only the posts of my family or a certain group or my close friends without having to search the site each time.

5. Private messages. Facebook messages have replaced emails in many cases and I’m for any way we can reach each other.

6. Businesses or groups I “Like.” I’m cautious with this because I don’t want this to end up like my email which is now 90% business ads. I do like to check on a restaurant or store to see what is going on there and Facebook is an easy way to do that.

7. Links to articles. It seems I find more information than ever on very interesting and timely issues due to the links my friends post. Once I read that one, I find more and keep reading on. Sometimes, these articles are linked to sites I have never heard of, so it’s a shortcut for me. If a friend posts it, I am likely to check it out.

8. Sharing important moments. When my son died, I was so touched by the tributes to him on Facebook and the messages to his family from people all over the country. We still keep his page so that his friends can post photos they run across or send a message when they are thinking about him. Facebook also lets people share when their friends are sick or going through rough periods in their life or having a happy moment, such as a wedding or graduation. We are all a community at those times particularly.

9. Deepening friendships. Through Facebook, I have learned so much more about people I knew at work or through my children or hadn’t seen in awhile or just met, or have known my whole life. Through their sharing, I feel much more involved in their lives and understand them much better. Sometimes, I admit, I don’t like what I see so much, but that helps me understand them better.

10. Sharing the news. When something happens in our world, I’m sure to find political comments, quotes, articles, and observations, whether we are discussing gay rights, elections, religion, entertainment news, commentary on television programs or movies or art or sports. I learn so much about you this way. Sometimes we don’t think alike and the discussions get lively, but we are discussing some serious issues and it’s always great to look at all sides of everything.

I understand that younger Facebook users are turned off because their parents and grandparents have taken it over and they want their own space with their own friends. Boy, do I remember that feeling well and I respect it. They have turned to Instagram, which is fun and makes us all art photographers, but is limited in scope as they don’t have to use words very much. They like Twitter, which has its limits also. And there are other sites. I hope that they come back along the way because, until something new comes along, Facebook seems to be the best community for those of us who value relationships and want to stay in touch. If I could be with all these people in person every day. . .well that’s not possible. This is my thank you to Mark Zuckerberg for his enterprise.

Nobody has to join Facebook, but it’s sure fun.

Tags connections, Facebook, family, Friends, Mark Zuckerberg, photos

Categories Entertainment, Family, Friends, Photography, Places, Reflections

A Valentine for my girls…

February 14, 2014 //

I love you, my oldest daughter, because you were the first and you were the only one with blonde hair and blue eyes and you were somewhat patient with me while I figured out how to be a mother. Oh, you did roll your eyes and I knew I was “doing it wrong,” but you hung in there with me until you were old enough to boss your sisters and brother without any help from me. I always knew that you would be happiest when you had your own children and I was right about that. And I love that you are my frilly girl and became a boy mom. I love you because you are loyal to your friends and picked the best husband and are always there for all of us. And I love all your accomplishments. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out!

I love you, my middle daughter, because you were second and never let us forget that you were different from your sisters. I love that you got your Daddy’s dark brown eyes and hair. I love your stubbornness and your unrelenting competitiveness and even your inability to make a shopping decision. I love seeing you be a boy mom and then getting a girl that you really weren’t sure what to do with. I love your pride in your children and your determination when you start something and your talents with a camera and writing. I love that you found the best husband for you. I love that you know yourself so well and can laugh at things that used to bug you. I love that your favorite look is athletic wear. You are a gorgeous woman, inside and out!

I love you, my youngest daughter, because you were the baby girl and followed the other girls around until you got a little brother to boss around yourself. I love that you had that streak in your hair and were “Temper Tantrum Turtle” sometimes, but mostly you were a sweet little girl. I love that you found your true love in high school and keep that love as fresh as it was when you were just a kid. I love your mathematical mind when none of the rest of us have one and your frustration in understanding how we just don’t get algebra. I love that you too are a boy mom and love their sports and love teaching preschoolers and exercise classes and are a runner of races and marathons. I love that you have your own rockin’ look and can hold your own with the big girls now. I love that you are compassionate and caring. You are a stunning woman, inside and out.

I love you, my daughter-in-law, because my son brought you to us and you were the perfect person to spend his last decade with him. I love that you loved him so much and took care of him and “got” his sense of humor. I love that you appreciated the things about him we all loved so much. I love that you are now one of my girls and that you are such an incredible mother of your uniquely wonderful daughter and that you hold your own with my strong daughters and we all love you so. I love that you are accomplishing so very much with your life while raising your daughter. I love that you let us all share in her life. I love your intelligence, your love of crafts, your humor and your determination. I love your devotion to your friends and your family. You are an incredibly radiant woman, inside and out.

I love all four of you for being the role models that your sons need to learn how to treat women and that your daughters need to become the best of our fair sex. I miss that you aren’t little girls any more, but I love that we are friends and can talk and laugh and share with each other. Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweeties!

Tags daughter, daughter-in-law, love, my girls, Valentine, Valentine's Day

Categories Family, Holidays, Reflections

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

February 9, 2014 //

We’re not supposed to tell lies. Simple as that. Don’t lie.

Of course, we all tell lies, from the simple lie to the phone caller that you’re busy and can’t come to the phone to making excuses for not going somewhere. Parents trap their children in lies when they ask “Did you do this?” in a voice that screams punishment.

I’ve been trying to think of the worst lies I’ve ever told, but I can’t think of anything that actually hurt someone. Sometimes we tell what we call white lies to protect someone. I’m not sanctimonious about this. I’ve told a lie or two or three in my lifetime. Not big ones though.

I’ve been confronted with a lot of liars in my life. One guy was such a liar that he couldn’t answer a simple question without embellishing it with more lies. A compulsive liar. I never understood the need to do that. The truth was right there and easy to find, so why tell lies that you know would be known as lies?

There are people who live lies. Cheaters, unfaithful spouses, sports cheaters. I’ve known all of those, too. There are those who make their living off of lying to people, taking their money, ruining their lives.

I become more fascinated with the truth, the truth as we see it, the older I get. Everybody sees an incident from their own viewpoint and it becomes their truth. Watching and reading the news coverage of the Woody Allen vs Mia Farrow battles, you can see how it tears across families and lives. I can’t tell whose truth is the real truth.

During the past week, I’ve heard several stories of people I know who have had their lives turned upside down by lies. People of all ages in all parts of the country fooled by people with lies fueled by anger, hurt, drugs, alcohol, and plain stupidity. I have no answers.

Trying to make sense of lies, I’m struck by the people who have believed the lies more than anything, people with good, believing, loving hearts who want to see the best in people, not the worst. The greatest danger is the damage, the disillusionment of those whose trust is destroyed. The damage is if they cannot put the lies in perspective and keep trusting people. Common sense caution is always good, but we need to always feel like we are doing the right thing, that helping someone, loving someone is a natural response to need, to the human condition.

I choose to believe that humans are basically good at heart. If I can’t believe that, I can’t be me. No lie.

Tags good hearts, Liar, liars, pants on fire

Categories Reflections

A Little Cemetery

February 3, 2014 //

Along Route 66, south of Vinita, Oklahoma, a sign caught my eye and I turned in a little cemetery, bordered with a new white fence along the highway.

Driving part way down the worn grass drive, I stopped to survey the site, bordered on three sides by Oklahoma fields.

A trickle of a creek ran through it and there was a bridge although you could walk over it on the drive. Back in the corner were a couple of fenced sites.

Coming in, I passed the larger monuments in preferential spots and headed for the smaller graves at the back. Walking on icy grass with bitter cold, I tried to get a feel for this resting place. Birth dates went back into the 1800s, some of our state’s first settlers.

The lamb graced the grave of a child.

Benson Pack died a young man, his life counted in years, months and days…

This caught my eye. A child’s grave obviously.

When I walked around to the front, I was deeply touched that a child who lived only two days was so missed almost twenty-eight years later.

Maybe there is a record of who lies here, over by the fence, under the worn monument.

There’s a quiet dignity and sweetness in this homemade marker.

The cold wet weather drove me back to my car and back to the highway. I’m all for cremation for many reasons, but I appreciate the people whose stories I will imagine from the worn tombstones by Route 66. Peace.

Tags cemetery, graves, Oklahoma, Route 66

Categories Places, Reflections

Kickin’ down Route 66

February 2, 2014 //

On a dreary, freezing rain morning, I found myself driving from Tulsa to Vinita along historic Route 66. I chose this road rather than the turnpike on purpose. For awhile I worked in this area and loved being out in the rural communities and there is a lot of what makes Route 66 famous on this stretch. Usually, I don’t have time to stop and take pictures or double back to check something out or travel down a side road.

Here’s what I found…

A little movie theatre in Vinita. I love old movie theaters.

A flea market along the road.

I wonder what baby things they have.

Their yard art is incomparable. They have a dinosaur, Statue of Liberty, gargoyles, a dolphin, angels, cow and what else?

In Chelsea, there is this motel. You have to picture it when the first travelers on Route 66 saw it.

On the other side of Chelsea is the park with the merry-go-round and swings. I bet everyone in town has gotten dizzy on this. I gave it a push although the seats were coated in ice.

This house sits there by the road. I guess until it collapses. Wonder what its story is?

I turned down a road and found llamas and cows, which always makes me stop. It’s Oklahoma.

The historic Totem Pole park, home of the world’s largest totem pole, is a true Route 66 landmark. I hadn’t been here in years and it was very retro on a drizzly morning.

On the way back to the highway, I passed this colorful skull signage on the fence.

I love the irony of the Top Hat in Foyil. It was or is a dairy bar. In the country.

I turned around to see what was going on with the ape at Kong’s Korner. Looks like vandals got to him. What can you say?

Crossing over the old bridges near Catoosa.

And a final wave to the Blue Whale, patiently waiting for summer.

Route 66 always brings a smile.

Tags Catoosa, Chelsea, Foyil, Kong's Korner, llamas, Oklahoma, Route 66, totem poles, Vinita

Categories Places, Reflections, Travel

Just Shoot Me Now!

January 26, 2014 //

We use social media to brag, to inform, to amuse, to keep in touch, and to vent. The same for blogging. Today, I’m going to vent, so stand back. No, you didn’t do anything wrong – I did. One of those slap my forehead things that keep me humble.

I was sitting at my computer, deciding whether to go take a long walk or write a blog, when a friend texted me for help. I pulled on some dirty clothes and was pulling out of the driveway when I thought of something I might take to my daughter-in-law on the way. I opened the garage door, looked around and didn’t find it and didn’t touch anything, got in the car in the driveway & pushed the garage door control. The door stopped part way down. Rather than get out of the car, I sat there making it go up and down until the door was coming down crooked and making terrible sounds. I found one problem – a folding table had slipped in the way – but that didn’t fix it. I was sure that it would correct itself, so sure that I keep making it worse.

After running my errand, I called my son-in-law to come across the street and help me get the door down until the repair people could get here tomorrow, because this is Sunday, of course. Well, dang it, the rollers on the garage door are gone, GONE, on one side, and caught in the runner on the other, so it won’t go down. This could mean a whole new garage door since I tend to go to worst case scenario in these kind of matters. We covered the crap inside my garage with tarps until help arrives.

Driving to sit with a vomiting grandchild, because who doesn’t love to do that, I thought my car air conditioner was broken because it was blowing hot, HOT, air on me. I don’t know how it fixed itself, but it did. That left me to think about my day tomorrow. The carpet cleaners are scheduled, which I don’t do often enough and which means I have to move a lot of stuff in the areas where they will be cleaning. Not the big furniture, just all the other stuff, a lot of stuff.

And my garage is full of stuff, a lot of stuff, too. And how will they get in there to fix the garage door? I can see having to move some of that stuff, which I just moved in an effort to clean it out and then brought in more stuff to help out a friend.

All I can say is that it’s a beautiful day outside and I’m going to let that rule my day rather than thinking about the stupid things I do that make me roll my eyes at myself. I’m sure there are people who think I’m pretty smart, but I’m not one of them at the moment.

But, HEY! I feel better just sharing this with you. Just telling the story makes me laugh. I’ve had worse things happen to me. My family is ok except for the vomiting grandchild and it’s beautiful outside and most things are good. That’s the best we can hope for some days. I think I’ll have some ice cream…

Tags stuff

Categories Events, Family, Reflections

GapFit Girl meets LuluLadies

January 22, 2014 //

Today I have a guest blogger – my middle daughter, Robin. I just had to share this – she needs her own blog! Y’all enjoy her fun day at the gym…

Today, for scheduling purposes, my trainer threw me into his morning training group, which I will affectionately call the LuLuladies. For 1 hour I had the privilege of working out with 6 of the nicest, most beautiful women at the gym. Because of the obvious differences between us, I decided to make the most of my hour by taking mental notes while we worked out. These are my findings:

LuluLadies: all wore the exact same workout pants that didn’t fall down or wrinkle, or ride up…. I didn’t get the memo.

LuluLadies: have mastered the perfectly adorable loose, messy bun with that doesn’t fall out when they train, and is accessorized by an equally adorable coordinating wide headband.

LuluLadies: don’t have sweaty stringy bangs that hang down in their eyes when they do burpees or pushups. Come to think of it, the Lululadies didn’t sweat…or have bangs.

LuluLadies: bring their own box of tissue and bottle of Anti-bac gel so they can sanitize after each station…including Lunges (Truth)

Lululadies: don’t smell…and they don’t sweat (see above). They are beautiful before, during and after their workouts. It is an art form, and they have truly mastered it.

In contrast, Gapfitgirls: have to pull up their crops after every third burpee; have ponytails that sag after the first round of sit-ups; have sweaty, stringy bangs that require no less than 5 hair pins to hold them back; have tried every wide headband that exists only to find that they all slide off the back of their heads; sweat…a lot… to the point of leaving racerback jog bra sweat prints on the workout benches after presses; and will complete a circuit of kettlebells, medicine balls, TRX straps and bosus…only to walk right past the gallon of anti-bac on the front desk without a second thought.

My comparisons above are simply observations, not judgements. If anything today , I felt a sense of balance to our differences—I am the Yin to their Yang, the Keurig to their Starbucks, the Athleta to their Lululemon, the Labrador to their Shih-Zhu…and it was all good. To all the Lululadies and Gapfitgirls out there—have a fantastic workout today!!

Tags daughter, gym, lulu, trainer, workouts

Categories Family, Reflections

The Public…Oh My!

January 21, 2014 //

I graduated from college on a Sunday in 1967 and went to work as a grocery store checker the next day. Needless to say, my parents were a little shocked with my choice, but I had a job teaching at the university the next fall, a graduate assistant, and needed something to do that summer. I was newly married and my husband joined the union, another shocker, and went to work in construction for the summer. We became blue collar workers for those few months. The jobs actually paid more than anything else in our university town, probably more than the $1 hour my husband later earned in the pizza place where he worked while going to school. The $1 an hour was the manager’s pay.

Anyway, I got more education that summer, lessons in serving the public and in the way those who do are often treated by their employers. My jobs up until that time had consisted of working for my father, tutoring, and being a student counselor in the dorm. Now I was working on my feet, having to learn the ever-changing prices of produce, and figuring sales tax in my head. We had no computerized cash registers or even cheat sheets for the prices or tax. We were chastised for leaning back on the counter between customers and had only a short break. I became friends with a smart girl who was working there for real, whose husband was a highway patrolman. She was delightful and taught me a lot. I remember the lines of people coming in from the country on Saturdays, the farmers who piled their carts high as they only made it in every so often. One sweet man, who I remember as being round and smelly and shy, would wait to get in my line. My admirer in overalls. There were all types back then in Stillwater, Oklahoma, and that summer was not really so bad. My cute husband would show up dirty from construction and stand at the side watching me before we went home to our duplex to laugh and play, our first summer as semi-grownups. My reality check came when I told the boss I was quitting, that I had a job at the university teaching. His treatment of me changed and it made me mad. He treated me differently for that last two weeks, more respectfully, as he still treated the others, including my friend, with disdain. I felt the injustice, the hypocrisy, and never forgot it.

I became a firm believer that everyone should have to be in a public service job at least once in his or her life.. My children all worked in retail, restaurants, or gyms, facing the public from their teens. Anybody who has ever had to serve the public has stories to tell, stories that can bring up anger, sadness, laughter. You learn how inconsiderate people can be as well as how thoughtful. You learn how cheap they can be and how generous. You learn how you can’t judge a person’s character by how well they are dressed or how much money they spend. You learn what it feels like to be ignored, treated like you’re invisible.

Here’s my son, working in a bakery. He worked in several bakeries through the years, dealing with a public who could be critical and insensitive when his voice changed, damaged by radiation treatments. Amazing how callous people can be, people educated enough to know better.

For several years, I owned a gift shop and dealt with mostly nice people, although you never knew who was going to walk through the door. One of the things I told my employees, who were my children and my close friends, was that you can’t take anything personally if someone treats you badly. It has nothing to do with you, they don’t even know you. They may have had a bad day or be facing something really sad in their life. Or they may actually not be a very nice person. I mean, this was a pretty neat store and we still had people who acted like that, really. They could be demanding, irrational, try to cheat us, steal from us, huffy and indignant, or the extreme opposites of that. They also told us stories about their lives, whether we wanted to hear them or not. There were times I didn’t know if people came in to buy gifts or for counseling. I’m sure waiters, maids, clerks, hairdressers and others know what feeling.

I have become a more generous tipper, a more friendly customer, a person who thanks clerks with a smile. At my worst, I am merely quiet, absorbed in some personal thoughts, hoping I at least made friendly eye contact and smiled. But, I am ever mindful of what these wonderful people deal with every day at salaries that are lower than they should be, with bosses who may not treat them with the respect they deserve. It’s true that people who deal with machines are always paid better than people who deal with people, a sad commentary on the human race.

Remember this when you are served by someone. The public, the public that nobody wants to deal with, is YOU!

Tags service, the public, tips

Categories Family, Friends, Restaurants

The Family Vacay…Why?

January 19, 2014 //

For Christmas this year, I gave my family a vacation. We, all 16 of us, left town together during the holidays for a long weekend together. We’ve done this once before, a trip to Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks, a must see for everyone in my opinion. We’re pretty good at travel, all of us, although we’ve had our Griswold vacation stories in our lives.

We all live in the same city, the kids go to school together, we get together whenever as many of us can gather as possible, more difficult than ever with the kids’ sports, jobs, activities. It’s not like we never see each other, like we live in different parts of the country. It was time for something special.

There’s something very different about getting four families and me to agree on a place, find a date that works for everyone, then pack us all up and travel together. It’s an adventure, a chance to ditch all the distractions of home, all the responsibilities of jobs and home and school, and just enjoy each other. It’s building the memories that you hope will cement the family bonds through whatever lies ahead. It’s challenging and rewarding.

I realize my family is blessed. The adults all like and enjoy each other and nobody pushed another’s buttons. The kids are friends as well as cousins. Seven of the grandkids are between 12 and 16 and then there is the four year old. The older ones like being together, so we don’t have a stray teen rolling his or her eyes and wishing to be somewhere else. The little one gets to interact with the older kids, teaching her what it’s like to have a big family watching over you. Without her own father, she gets to enjoy having her uncles and older cousins as the men in her life. There’s a lot of talk, a lot of laughter, a lot of funny stories when we get together.

I’m thinking back on our trip, remembering why I wanted to spend the money and the time to take us all away. It’s pretty simple. The gift was for them, of course. We learned some history, had great fun, ate at memorable places, and relaxed. The bigger gift was for me really. Having that time to watch them all together is a big block of happiness in this life that goes by so quickly. It’s a memory that I hope will stay with them forever, a snapshot of what they mean to each other.

We can take our relationships for granted, but they are all fragile. Life can throw things at you that you never expect, things that make you react in ways you never thought possible. I treasure memories like the days with my family, memories that will hopefully keep us strong. No guarantees in life, but we keep having fun in the meantime.

Tags Family vacay, memories

Categories Family, Memories, Reflections, Travel

Mapping out 2014

January 14, 2014 //

I’m told that the first years of retirement are for travel, before your body or your mind gets too weak and you just don’t feel like making the effort any more. Before I get depressed by that thought, I’m thinking back over the wonderful places I’ve been in my life and wondering which way to go this year with almost an entire year stretched before me.

One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t have to go far to find beauty, history, and interesting people and stories. Last year, way back in 2013, I explored some areas of my home state of Oklahoma that I’d never passed through in my 68 years here. I also travelled to the northwest and the southeast. Maybe this year, I’ll go northeast and southwest. Or all of them. I’ve travelled to other countries in my lifetime and have plenty of places to add to my global wish list. Right now I’m loving our country, which I can never get enough of, so I spend my cold evenings with my iPad in hand, searching maps and places, trying to narrow down where to go, knowing that new opportunities will be there as the days progress.

For your winter dreams, here are sunrises and sunsets in various places. . .

Oklahoma sunset